Tattle: Will Lindsay ever learn?

WE'RE COUNTING THE DAYS until Lindsay Lohan's appearance in Playboy, which Hugh Hefner is conveniently releasing early, just in time for the holidays.

In the issue, out this week, cover girl Lohan admits having a few regrets for her behavior of the past five years or so.

If she had it to do over, she tells the mag, "I probably would have listened to and taken more advice from the people whom I admire and would have followed through with it more. My stubborness at 18 and 19 years old got in the way."

We assume people she admires do not include mom Dina or dad Michael.

Lohan continues, "Because you only live once, you have to learn from your mistakes, live your dreams and be accountable."

Which brings us to this weekend's debacle.

TMZ.com reports that Lohan, vacationing in Hawaii, had her purse stolen Saturday night while partying at a house in Laie. She left her $5,000 Chanel pocketbook in the car while she partied, and when she returned two hours later, it was gone, along with her passport, the paperwork signed by her probation officer enabling her to take said trip, and lots of cash.

She's due back on the Mainland on Wednesday for a court date, and if she misses it she'll be sent back to jail. We'd be more sympathetic if this story didn't sound so darn familiar. It was in May 2010 that Lohan's passport was "stolen" while she partied in Cannes, causing her to miss a court date for a 2007 drug arrest. The ticked-off judge sentenced her to 90 days in jail.

We suggest that if Lohan really wants to learn from her mistakes and be more accountable, she needs to put that passport in a safe place - Tiffany's sells a lovely burgundy leather passport cover for $145. Note to Santa: This would make a great stocking stuffer for the Lohan.

Posing as the airline pilot of the flight he was kicked off, Alec Baldwin apologized to himself on "Saturday Night Live."

The actor appeared on the sketch program's "Weekend Update" on Saturday night to lampoon Tuesday's incident, in which he was kicked off an American Airlines flight for refusing to stop playing a mobile-phone game before takeoff.

As a Southern, mustachioed airline pilot, Baldwin issued an apology for the incident. The joke, though, was how obvious the ploy was.

The actor referred to himself as an "American treasure" who was playing "a word game for smart people."

"Weekend Update" host Seth Meyers repeatedly questioned the thinly veiled performance, asking Baldwin, "Are you sure this is the right way to handle this?"

Lady Gaga was in the Christmas spirit at Z100's annual Jingle Ball concert, but her version of "White Christmas" would have made Bing Crosby blush.

Gaga performed a slightly naughty rendition of the holiday classic Friday night as part of her mini-concert at the radio station's event at Madison Square Garden. Gaga - sporting tight, studded leather pants, matching top and a bare midriff - gyrated on a set that included antlers, Christmas trees and holiday lights as she performed "White Christmas."

"So I recently added a couple of lyrics to this song because I think it's too short. It's like when you really start to enjoy it, it stops. It's like a really bad orgasm. Merry Christmas, New York!" she shouted. Later, she made a suggestive pose as she gave a come-hither coo to Santa.

Eddie Murphy won't be hosting the Oscars, but he could be vying for an Emmy if he plays Washington's former crack-smoking Mayor Marion Barry in a new HBO film project.

The film has all kinds of gravitas: It's based on the 1994 book Dream City: Race, Power and the Decline of Washington, D.C. by power journalists Tom Sherwood (NBC and Washington Post) and Harry Jaffe (Washingtonian magazine). Spike Lee would direct.