My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship and agreed to split our visits 50-50 between our cities. Initially, it worked great. Unfortunately, his work schedule has changed, and for the past year he has come here to visit me only once every month or so, while I frequently drive hours to see him.
He says that because he's away from home for work, it's only fair that I travel to see him since it's "less trouble" for me. I understand that he puts in a lot of time with travel for work, but at what point does the ratio become unbalanced and unfair?
- Uncertain in San Francisco
DEAR UNCERTAIN: What's fair is the original agreement you had, or something close to it. Because he is no longer willing to live up to his part in the bargain, consider seeing him less often.
Perhaps if he has a chance to miss you, he will feel impelled to make more of an effort. And if he's not, then you won't have to cut off your social relationships at home - relationships you may need if this romance doesn't work out the way you would like.
DEAR ABBY: My wife of 32 years has delusional jealousy. It is so bad that she has checked my genitals and questioned the neighbors' wives. I have stayed in this marriage only because of our children, who are now adults.
I am at a crisis point where I want a divorce. I detest throwing 32 years away, but I have no love for this woman. We have sought counseling three times.
- Wants Out in Colorado
DEAR WANTS OUT: Nowhere in your letter could I discern a question, but from my vantage point, I disagree that you would "throw 32 years away." You used that time to make sure your children were grown and independent.
I'm sorry about your wife's delusions, but because she is unwilling to follow through with counseling, there is nothing you or I can do about them. If you want my permission to end this marriage, I can't grant it; only you can do that for yourself.