DEAR ABBY: I married "Larry" five years ago, and he is good to me. I have two beautiful grandchildren who are my daughter's. If I don't see them once a week I miss them. (They are 2 1/2 and 16 months old.) Larry doesn't miss the babies or want to see them once a week. Sometimes when they come to the house, he doesn't speak to them or play with them. He says he wants his peace and quiet at the house.
Larry's great with the babies in public. He is also good about playing with our friends' kids. But he doesn't want the grandchildren to spend the night here because he doesn't want his sleep disturbed. (He can get up at 4 a.m. to go fishing, though.)
He has two sons and doesn't mind if he hears from them only twice a year. He's the type of person who says what he thinks without caring if it's rude or hurtful. If you don't like him, he can live without being friends with you. No one comes to visit us at our home.
I miss my family, my daughter and the babies. Do I leave?
- Unhappy in the Sunshine State
DEAR UNHAPPY: If you are the one making all the concessions, make a list of Larry's good qualities, and then make one that includes how he refuses to compromise, makes you feel lonely and isolated, and says things without regard to whether they are hurtful to others. Place them side by side, and you will have your answer.
DEAR ABBY: Does being invited to an engagement party "guarantee" you will also be invited to the wedding?
- Looking Ahead in
DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Yes, it does. And for that not to happen is a huge breach of etiquette on the part of whoever is hosting the wedding, whether it's the bride's parents or the couple themselves.