SONY SCHMARONY. This week, when celeb watchers weren't obsessing over Amy Pascal, James Franco, Seth Rogen, Kevin Hart and the guy who played Spider-Man, we were ogling mysterious Jennifer Lawrence associate Justin Riblet, without knowing who he was.
Turns out, he's Philly's own hometown hero.
J-Law and J-Rib turned heads a few days ago when he accompanied her to LAX. Wonderers speculated whether he could be a romantic liaison. Wonderers wondered wrong.
Riblet is a 20-something "detail man" (read: security guard) who works for L.A. protection firm Gavin de Becker. He previously served in the U.S. Army as a special-forces weapons specialist, according to his LinkedIn profile. Before that, he studied criminal justice at Rutgers Camden. Graduated in 2007, right across the Delaware.
In other words, he's all ours.
By the way, if you're still following the Sony/terrorist threat debacle, Sony has canceled the Dec. 25 release of "The Interview."
More local yokeling
This time of year, you have nothing but extra time for doing things like watching funny online animations. So, kick back, fire up that Ethernet, and type Okayplayer into your browser.
Questlove - another one with a life of leisure - narrates his own hilarious story about a years-long mission to partake in Patti LaBelle's smothered chicken, candied yams and vanilla pancakes.
Trust us. It's hilarious.
Need more incentive? Jazzy Jeff, Bunny Sigler and Jill Scott play roles in the 215- and 610-centric tale.
Seriously. It's only 9 minutes and 8 seconds. Spare the time.
"Seventh Heaven" star Stephen Collins always seemed a little on the creepy side. Turns out, he was a lot on the creepy side.
In an interview with People magazine, the longtime actor confessed to molesting three underage girls between 1973 and 1994. He said he apologized to one of them in person but felt it best not to do so with the other two.
He's scheduled Friday night to speak with Katie Couric on ABC's "20/20" - just like hindsight.
* Jim Bob Duggar is happy people who've stood up for LGBT rights have started a petition at Change.org to get his "19 Kids and Counting" reality TV show off the air.
Duggar and wife Michelle have campaigned, but not on the show, against marriage equality. He says the attention the petition has brought has only enhanced his mission.
"Our show is the No. 1 show on TLC," he told a group of reporters gathered at a "Booster Banquet" at Hannibal-LaGrange University, "We love everybody, but we don't always agree with them."
Speaking of love . . .
Tennis star Martina Navratilova married Julia Lemigova in New York on Monday. The couple got engaged at the U.S. Open in August.
Brooke Shields and Chris Evert were maids of honor in the Navratilova-Lemigova nuptials.
Former 'NSync bandmate Joey Fatone spilled the beans his buddies haven't. Fatone told In Touch that, just as we suspected, Jessica Biel and Justin Timberlake are expecting. He also said the couple's buds have known the news for months.
And so did the Internet.
Oprah went all out for Gayle King on the sidekick's birthday. The media mogul honored her longtime BFF, now a star in her own right, with King's favorite things: the color yellow, gourmet grilled cheeses and . . . clogs.
Oh yeah, and 960 cupcakes that spelled out "Sweet 60th."
* It's important for you to know that Beyonce has a new hairstyle. Tatt-curls.
* Also vital: The Duchess of Cambridge attended Queen Elizabeth's Christmas luncheon in the same lovely red dress she wore last year. Tatt-can-we-call-you-Kate?
* Lindsay Lohan prefers London to L.A. Tatt-cent.
* "The Talk" host Sharon Osbourne lost a tooth on live TV. Tatt-All-She-Wants-For-Christmas.