New York Times review hilariously rips Guy Fieri's Restaurant apart
In the world of reviews, there's "fresh," "two thumbs up," "four bells," "five stars," "10-out-of-10," "par for the course," "two and a half stars," "rotten," "two thumbs down," "no stars," and "zero-out-of-10." Then there's an infinite combination of words and ratings that express discontent and then there's the recent New York Times review of Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square. Pete Wells reviews his experience at Guy's American Kitchen & Bar and absolutely tears the place apart. Fieri's lucky that the structure of the place is still standing after this thing came out. Wells writes the review directly to Fieri, posing a number of presumably rhetorical questions about the restaurant:
"What exactly about a small salad with four or five miniature croutons makes Guy's Famous Big Bite Caesar (a) big (b) famous or (c) Guy's, in any meaningful sense?"
"Hey, did you try that blue drink, the one that glows like nuclear waste? The watermelon margarita? Any idea why it tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde?"
"Has anyone ever told you that your high-wattage passion for no-collar American food makes you television's answer to Calvin Trillin, if Mr. Trillin bleached his hair, drove a Camaro and drank Boozy Creamsicles?"
"When you hung that sign by the entrance that says, WELCOME TO FLAVOR TOWN!, were you just messing with our heads?"
Ouch. Someone get the guy an ice pack. [New York Times]