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Pretentious, violent look at valet parkers

My favorite contemporary acronym is CWOT (Complete Waste of Time). Would that reviews could be four letters long. But since they can't, here's the story on Whiskey Neat by Bruce Walsh, presented by Azuka Theatre, which has, frequently and formerly, done strong, interesting work under the talented direction of Kevin Glaccum:

My favorite contemporary acronym is CWOT (Complete Waste of Time). Would that reviews could be four letters long. But since they can't, here's the story on

Whiskey Neat

by Bruce Walsh, presented by Azuka Theatre, which has, frequently and formerly, done strong, interesting work under the talented direction of Kevin Glaccum:

A manipulative guy called Handsome (Luigi Sottile, who is) applies for a job as a valet parker and lands the coveted big-tip Saturday night slot. The repulsive boss, a violent brute named Tommy (Nathan Emmons, who doesn't quite fit the description of a man who could throw a Cadillac over a roof), likes that Handsome is a smooth talker and claims to have an M.A. in philosophy (one of those good-luck-with-that degrees). Terry (the excellent Keith J. Conallen) doubles as chef and car parker; he has a club foot and a goofy mustache. Tim (the touching Brian Cowden) is the head valet parker, a sensitive bumbler who keeps defending himself against gay jokes.

Enter Alex (Elena Bossler), a dancer who is the boss' slutty girlfriend and owns a Beemer that Handsome crashes into a dumpster (apparently the M.A. program didn't include a course in driving a stick shift).

If the play has a plot, it involves who's to blame for the wrecked car. If the play has any action, it is Handsome's seducing everybody within spitting distance. If the play has a theme song, it is "Tennessee Waltz," which deserves better voices and better waltzing. If the play has any comic relief, if involves a dripping ceiling and a busted TV (part of your standard-issue grunge set).

If the play has anything to offer other than repetitious dialogue and gratuitous violence, it eluded me. If the play has any character development, I didn't see it. If the play has any point, I missed it. It does, however, have enough stupefying pretentiousness to render an audience comatose.

As I said: CWOT

Whiskey Neat

Azuka Theatre at the Latvian Society, 531 N. Seventh St. Through April 26. Tickets: $16-$25. Information: 215-733-0255 or www.azukatheatre.org.

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