Tattle: Stargazers weigh in on the Tiger issue

TATTLE IS experiencing

Tiger Woods withdrawal.

As countless Internet reports say Tiger was not fond of the condom, a lot of women can probably relate.

After days of new women and new allegations, the Tiger news cycle is enjoying its post-coital haze and this is what we're left with:

_ Astrologers Lisa Sydney and Angelo Merlino of thecosmic connection.com say that with a birth date of Dec. 30, 1975, Tiger was "Born to always break par with a perfectionist Virgo ascendant . . . Mercury his ruler, and house of career/status, reversed at age 15 making him a late bloomer and keeping him in the rough. His hole in one is yet to come when he steps forward at age 36, and the real Tiger is out of the woods."

The astrologers say Tiger's problems can all be blamed on "disruptive Uranus."

Seriously. Their line.

* You have to feel for Jaimee

Grubbs. Oh, the sadness involved with learning that your two-timing lover was 10-timing you.

Mistress No. 2 continued her television self-pity tour on "Extra" where she sang the same old song:

"The second I did hear about Rachel [Uchitel] . . . that was the hardest part. It was kind of the breaking point of realizing that I may never be the only woman," Jaimee told "Extra."

Uh, Jaimee, he was married. And you probably weren't the "only woman" that day.

* Speaking of Jaimee, the New

York Daily News released text message exchanges between her and Tiger. So this is what it's like when the high school BMOC texts the head cheerleader.

From Sept. 30:

TW: "I need you"

JG: "then get your tight a-- over here and visit me! I need u"

TW: "I will wear you out soon"

JG: "how soon? I got a new piercing"

From Oct. 15:

JG: "i only watch football"

TW: "figured you would say that. Big black guys"

JG: "u are my first, last and only black guy! U should feel special"

TW: "why do I not believe that"

Granted, most text messages are insipid, but come on.

Tattbits

* If it's not Tiger, it's Catwoman.

L.A. prosecutors say they have charged a man suspected of stealing $25,000 in jewelry from Julie Newmar.

Holy King Tut's Amulet, Batman!

The actress, who portrayed the first feline fatale on the 1960s "Batman" TV series, spotted the pilfered jewelry for sale on eBay and called Commissioner Gordon.

Oh, it could have been a purrr-fect crime.

But prosecutors were led to Robert Ouriel and charged him with grand theft. He was due in court for arraignment yesterday.

* An L.A. judge has ordered Nas

to increase his payments to his soon-to-be ex-wife, Kelis, and their infant son to $51,101 a month.

The ruling came after two days of testimony about the musicians, during which both were portrayed as cash-strapped.

Nas had been paying Kelis nearly $40,000 a month since July.

Tattle longs for the day we can say we're broke and spend $40,000 a month.

Nas' attorney, Mark Vincent Kaplan, said after the hearing that Nas benefited from the changes because he will no longer have to pay $13,000 a month for the former couple's L.A. home.

Kelis has been living at the home with the couple's son, Knight, and has installed recording equipment at the house.

Her attorney, Laura Wasser, said she, too, was "thrilled" with the ruling.

See, everyone's happy.

But if Kelis could get 51G a month from Nas, what might Elin be able to get from Tiger? And how would she feel about owning a newspaper?

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.

E-mail gensleh@phillynews.com