L

INDSAY LOHAN

: The gift that keeps on giving.

Yesterday, Tattle reported that police were investigating LiLo for battery after an alleged altercation with Betty Ford Clinic technician Dawn Holland. While anyone with a decent grasp of recent pop-culture history would put this on Lohan, it looks like Lindsay's cries of victimization may be true.

The Betty Ford Clinic fired Holland for giving an interview and allegedly handing over confidential documents to TMZ. RadarOnline.com reports TMZ paid Holland $10,000 for said documents. Holland now faces state investigation for revealing Lohan's identity and handing over the hot docs.

Lohan has also come to her own defense, saying it was Holland who abused her. TMZ's sources say Lohan was getting her hair done before the incident and drinking Shirley Temples and eating French fries. Highly caloric, but certainly not illegal.

Once in a lifetime

The Grammys will bestow lifetime achievement awards on Julie Andrews, country legend Dolly Parton, punks the Ramones, folkers the Kingston Trio, jazz drummer Roy Haynes, the Juilliard String Quartet and 101-year-old gospel singer George Beverly Shea.

The Ramones are the only people on the list who haven't won a competitive Grammy, making their honor bittersweet. All of the good ones (Johnny, Joey and Dee Dee) are in the great dive bar in the sky.

Lady Tattle feels that this calls for an epic jam, a la the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame's induction ceremony. What do y'all think?: Andrews belts out a little "Lonely Goatherd." She throws to Parton who rocks some "Jolene" and they both duet on the Ramones' "Now I Wanna Sniff Some Glue."

On thin ice

Bethenney Frankel, the "Real Housewives of New York" and "Bethenney Getting Married" cash cow, finally did something to make "Skating with the Stars" more than a televised dose of Nyquil. Too bad it wasn't on camera.

Frankel lost out on Tuesday's finale to soap actress Rebecca Budig. Frankel referred to herself as the Bristol Palin of SWTS because her fanbase, rather than her talent, kept her on the show. That's technically cheating, considering she was the only person on the show - which included actress Sean Young and Motley Crue singer Vince Neil - to actually have a fanbase.

On last week's installment, judge Johnny Weir, a/k/a the Lady Gaga of the figure-skating world, put the smackdown on Frankel, telling her she wasn't listening to the judges and he doesn't care to watch her perform anymore. RadarOnline.com reports that Frankel approached the Coatesville-born Weir backstage after the show, complete with drink in hand, to remind him that she was a grown woman wearing pigtails and sequins on ice and she didn't take the whole thing seriously.

Radar reports that the three-time U.S. National champion Weir took the whole thing in stride and kept his cool.

Better yet, when someone asked Frankel what she was imbibing, insiders report she told them it was a Skinny Girl margarita, part of her health-food line. That's a true star: taking time for product placement.

Love bites

* Actress Ali Larter, a Cherry Hill girl through and through, welcomed her first child, Theodore Hayes MacArthur, with hubs Hayes MacArthur. Pair that name with Larter's total MILF status and this kid should avoid middle school.

* People mag reports that "Friends" star David Schwimmer and his wife, photog Zoe Buckman, are expecting their first child. The two wed in a private ceremony in June.

* Brett Michael announced his engagement to Kristi Gibson, his on-off girlfriend for nearly 16 years.

Tattlebits

* Prince Frederic Von Anhalt, husband of daaahling Zsa Zsa Gabor, will have to endure an endless stream of pirate jokes after he mistook his wife's nail glue for eyedrops. He's wearing on a patch on the recovering peeper. What's worse is this is not the first eyedrop-related incident to rock the Gabor-Von Anhalt family: Zsa Zsa's daughter Francesca Hilton said that her mom once used crazy glue to affix her her faux eyelashes.

"It was stupid," Von Anhalt said after his own gaffe, according to CNN. We would agree.

* Life & Style reports that Bill Clinton is preparing an epic 65th birthday bash that will take place at the Staples Center in L.A. Willy's people are apparently in talks to have the likes of Jay-Z, Mary J. Blige and Bruce Springsteen play. Barack Obama looks on, jealously.

* Move over Mark Zuckerberg. MTV's college network - mtvU - has named Secretary of Defense Robert Gates as its Man of the Year. Gates "became a role model for public service, proving that it's possible to work within an institution to impart change," mtvU said in a statement yesterday. Adding that Gates can "totally throwdown in beer pong." Rapper Nikki Minaj was named the Woman of the Year.

* The most famous crosswalk in Britain will be listed as a heritage site. Heritage minister John Penrose announced yesterday the "zebra crossing" (so quaint!) at Abbey Road in North London, made famous by the Beatles, will be a protected site in Britain. Abbey Road studios was listed in February.

* Ex-boxer Christy Martin has retained high-powered, Philly-born celeb attorney Gloria Allred. Martin's husband, James, was charged with attempted murder and aggravated battery with a weapon after Christy allegedly told him she was leaving him for another woman.

Daily News wire services contributed to this report.