Famous folk tweeted their New Year's well-wishes Tuesday, I guess so that little people like you and me could feel better about the prospect of having to suffer yet another year of drudgery, humiliation, and pain.
Some of the messages are moving. Here are a few:
"Here's to the best year yet. Love each other, and throw the dog a bone every once in a while," wrote Liev Schreiber.
Forest Whitaker's post left me cold. A brilliant actor he may be, but he gets mega-gooey: "It is the end of the year, take time to share moments, dreams, hopes and memories with everyone who matters!"
Miley Cyrus may not be one of my fave people, but she penned the best message: "IN 2014 I HOPE THEY START CENSORING DUDES NIPPLES #genderequality"
Shia LaBeouf kept the humor as dry as a perfect martini: "2014 Resolution - I need to work on being a less controversial tweeter."
An Anonymous Insider tells In Touch Weekly that when Canadian fan Emily Goodhand had adulterous sexual congress with Tori Spelling's husband, Dean McDermott, she did not use birth control. It's big news: She may perhaps possibly be carrying Dean's love child. Or not.
Folkie Ani DiFranco has canceled her June songwriting workshop after fans complained that the site, Nottoway Plantation and Resort in Louisiana, was once one of the largest slave plantations in the South.
There were so many amazing moments from 2013 that I wanted to review on New Year's Eve. So many video reports I wanted to watch. So many images I wanted seared into my brain forever.
None was more important, more significant, than the world historical event that defined the year for all Americans: The Kimye romance.
In their infinite wisdom, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West have posted on YouTube a 5-minute-25-second video retrospective of their historic coupling, their magical courtship, and the birth of their daughter, North. The thing even has a score! Kimye used the Rihanna ballad "Stay" and Keri Hilson's song "Knock You Down" to gild their lily. You find something new each time you watch it.