Sideshow: Uh-oh, young Miley, what are you smoking?

Miley Cyrus, only 18, appears in a video taking bong hits of salvia at her L.A.-region crib. She acts all stoned and that. Salvia is an herb legal in California, takes less than 30 secs to get you high, and is called a cross between pot and LSD, very un-similar drugs, so we're confused. Most horrifying: In the background, "Take It Easy" by the Eagles.

It was a big year, says the Daily Beast, for celesbians, those who play lesbians, those who have fun with supposedly lesbian behavior, and those who, like me, say they are not lesbians. Jane Lynch won an Emmy and got married to Lara Embry. Sandra Bullock sucked face with Meryl Streep at the Critics' Choice Awards, and also with Scarlett Johansson at the MTV Movie Awards, and some people have all the fun. Annette Bening and Julianne Moore played dear hearts in The Kids Are All Right, sort of a Brokeback Mountain for the test-tube crowd. Anna Paquin declared she is bifurcated, or buy one, get one free. Lady Gaga said all sorts of things. Howard Stern . . . get out of this list. . . . Country music's first avowed lesbian, Chely Wright, er, avowed. Amber Heard came out at the GLAAD banquet with longtime pard Tasya van Ree. Oprah Winfrey told Barbara Walters Thursday that she, O, is "not a lesbian . . . not even kind of a lesbian." And in Black Swan, Natalie Portman ("Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo"?) and Mila Kunis have a close encounter of the bird kind.

TV Guide Canada says it misquoted Ed O'Neill (Modern Family) as disliking Jane Lynch's Emmy win for her Glee work and preferring his goddesslike costar, Sofía Vergara. Even rightly quoted, he sort-of did, actually. Ed has apologized to Jane. He's loyal to Sofía. Touching. . . . With makeup troweled on by small construction crews, Kim Kardashian can end up looking a lot like E.T. But a recent photo (http://go.philly.com/k2) shows a beautiful, less made-up human person. . . . Richard Hatch, $1 million winner of the first Survivor in 2000 and failed tax dodge, is called to court Wednesday on probation-busting charges. Hero for our times! Maybe he hopes that, if he lams long enough, there'll be no more taxes! . . . H'ray for Jim Morrison, pardoned by Florida.