Jenice Armstrong: Julia Hudson on the Net

"B ECAUSE I chose to do what was natural to me and love someone, it cost me my beautiful family," is what

Jennifer Hudson

's sister wrote on her MySpace page about the triple slayings that took not only her mother and brother but also her son.

Julia Hudson blames herself for what happened because she was married to William Balfour, chief suspect in the killings. Yesterday on the My-space social-networking site, Julia described her mood as "numb." And in the space on the Web site where people describe their weaknesses, she makes a crude, four-letter reference to male genitalia. Oh, and "William" is in the No. 2 spot behind her mother on her "best friends" list.

When she married Balfour, Hudson must have been hoping and praying that his violent behavior was behind him. He'd done his time, serving seven years for attempted murder and hijacking. Who doesn't believe in second chances? Who doesn't know of someone who reversed a rocky course and went on to live an honest life? Or maybe she was secretly excited by his criminal past. She describes herself on My-Space as someone who is "always bored."

Balfour and Hudson were both young. They had a son, hers from a previous relationhip, to raise. They had a future. Hadn't Hudson's sister, Jennifer, gotten away from their impoverished Chicago neighborhood and become a big Hollywood star? She and Balfour were clearly proud; they both posted pictures of Jennifer on their MySpace pages.

Was Julia blinded by love? If you can trust what's written on her MySpace page, Julia knew the kind of man she'd brought into her life. For instance, there's a question under the friends list where people answer questions about their friends. One question, "who is most likely to get arrested?" is answered "William."

In June, authorities found crack cocaine in the car Balfour had been driving. But he got lucky. Despite being on parole, Balfour was allowed to remain free and, a month later, the charge was dismissed. Then, in August, authorities say a parole agent visited his home at 8:30 a.m. but a woman there said he was at work. The parole office later learned that Balfour wasn't due at his job until noon, but still his parole wasn't revoked. Again, he remained free.

Authorities suspect a dispute about a car may be behind last week's rampage. They're also investigating whether the killer acted alone. Meanwhile, Balfour is being held for violating terms of his parole by possessing a weapon and for failing to attend anger-management counseling and a substance-abuse program. He hasn't been charged with the killings. As for Julia, MySpace may be her sole release now.

"I know some of yal have your opinions and you are entitled to that, like why is she logging on to MySpace at a time like this, let me tell you why I was hoping that that was a way to maybe help me get my son . . . "

There's no rage expressed toward Balfour or whoever the killer of her family was. But that, no doubt, will come after the numbness wears off. *

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