Q: My husband teaches at an all-girls school. To help keep things exciting in the bedroom, my husband and I occasionally like to engage in role playing, or at least we did. But when he asked me to pretend to be a naughty schoolgirl I told him I wasn't comfortable with this and we should stick to more "grown-up" fantasies. Since then, we haven't engaged in any kind of role-playing at all. He said maybe we should take a little break from these fantasies. My husband has been a teacher pretty much as long as I've known him and I can't ever recall him suggesting any kind of role-playing that could be interpreted as job-related until now. I want to ask him if he's ever found a student attractive or if he's had a student who had a crush on him, but is there any way to do this without making it seem like I'm accusing him of something?
Steve: You may be overreacting. The schoolgirl fantasy is pretty common, like the cheerleader and naughty librarian. Why don't you take the lead, create a sexy scenario yourself? When he asks you why you're doing that, you can sweetly say you miss the fantasies and edge into the broader conversation.
Mia: I'd suggest you approach this gingerly. You're going to have to tease it out of him. Act nonjudgmental so he'll open up if indeed he's having Lolita fantasies. You may need to get him some professional help for this. But whatever you do, don't put on a cheerleader's getup, no matter how much he begs.
Q: I am a woman, young and pretty. My husband who is 12 years older does not want me sexually. I used to have quite a temper and we fought a lot. After he initiated a one-year separation we got back together at his request and I have been very good to him, no temper, no quarrels. But still he won't come near me. When I try to initiate, he makes all sort of excuses. He hardly even speaks to me unless necessary and seems absorbed in himself. Could it be that he regrets getting back together?
Mia: This is what happens when you marry a friend instead of someone you're in love with. But now that you're in this, do you think he might be gay? Write us back and let us know.
Steve: This marriage is a zero: No love, no friendship. I can't say why he doesn't want you sexually, but if he won't even talk with you, head for the exit while you are still young and pretty.