Q: I'm a 48-year-old woman who's been married to the same man for 30 years. We have always had a great sex life. The problem is, he has walked in on me while I was masturbating a couple times in the past month. I have done so almost my whole life. Now he does not want sex. He feels he "is not enough" for me since I have to use a vibrator. That couldn't be further from the truth. What can I do to change his mind?
Mia: Sounds as if your hubby thinks he doesn't measure up to your Pocket Rocket. But don't let him head-trip you into thinking you did something wrong. It's your body and your sex toy, so you can play when you want.
Your hubby will get over it. And when he does, try introducing your vibrator into your sex play together so that he can see it as a marital aid instead of something that takes away.
Steve: When it comes to women and vibrators, if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. Tell your husband that you'd love to include him on your solo flights. He'll find it worth his while and his insecurities will vanish.
Q: I was an unwed mother at 20. With the help of my family I went to a trade school, got a good job and moved out of my parents' home. I will always be grateful. When my niece was in a bad situation, I invited her and her family to live with me while she got back on her feet. It ended badly when I realized that she had no intention of getting her own place. She was perfectly happy to have me take care of her. Now I am watching my sister do the same thing with niece No. 2. These are not young women. Both are close to 30. They have consistently made bad choices in their lives and needed to be rescued. My family's attitude is, "What about their children?" I have tried to explain that we are not helping them to succeed but enabling them to fail. This always results in me being reminded that the family rescued me. My daughter is a young mother living on her own. It is not easy for her, but she does it. Why should I expect less of my siblings' children? Am I being too judgmental?
Steve: Enabling people who refuse to take control of their own lives doesn't help them. You are right to refuse to feed their dependence. Both your nieces need counseling. Stick to your guns.
Mia: Don't abandon your nieces, but don't let them mooch off you either. The best thing you can do is to continue being a good example, showing these young women that early motherhood is only a stumbling block.
Remind them how you managed to educate yourself and find steady employment while also caring for your baby. Help them explore their options, too.