Dear Abby: Wife of 14 years learns husband still carries torch for another

DEAR ABBY:

I have been married for 14 years to a man who had two failed marriages. I never felt insecure until I read his answers to a Yahoo Answers poll that asked, "Do you dream about the one that got away?" and, "Have you found the love of your life?"

My husband responded that he thinks about her very often, especially on her birthday and Valentine's Day. To the other question, he replied he had found the love of his life, but the relationship had ended in divorce, which he admitted was his fault.

I know he was talking about his first wife. I feel so sad and insecure. Now I must deal with the fact that on Valentine's Day, his thoughts are with someone else. How can I get over this?

- Sad Heart in San Jose

DEAR SAD HEART: Your husband posted those thoughts on a public forum? Rather than feel hurt and insecure, you should be furious. How would he feel if the person answering that poll had been you? However, your pain may lessen if you look at the bright side: He treats you well 363 days a year, and many women are not so lucky.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a man in a long-distance relationship for two years. I care about him very much, and I believe he cares for me.

Things were going great until he was devastated by a downturn in his business. He had planned to move here, but was unable to sell his home. We used to see each other every two weeks, but no longer. It has been almost two months. He calls once a week, but nothing else.

We have been close and he has shared his life, his worries and personal information with me. I haven't pressured him and I don't need a commitment now, although I would like one someday.

- Holding On in Coastal Calif.

DEAR HOLDING ON: You may have to let this play out in its own time. Your friend may have retreated because he's concentrating his energy on reviving his business. That he still calls you is encouraging. The best bet may be to just ask him what's going on.