DEAR ABBY: I am a 31-year-old, never-married mother of two. Last summer, I started having an affair with "Jordan," the father of my first child. He left me when our daughter was a year old and has been engaged for three years in an on-again, off-again relationship.

Today I found out from Jordan's fiancée that they have set their wedding date for next spring. She said they would like for me to come. As if it wouldn't be painful enough to go to the wedding, his fiancée has also asked me to do her hair for the occasion. (I'm a hairstylist.)

Abby, Jordan and I are still having an affair. I want to tell her, but I don't want him to hate me.

- Can't Help Myself in Ohio

DEAR CAN'T HELP: OK, the first thing to do is wake up, smell the coffee and accept that resuming the sexual relationship with Jordan has not had the desired effect. He will be marrying someone else.

Next, concentrate on saving yourself and waste no more of your time on him.

And last, tell his fiancée that you do not plan to attend the wedding or do her hair because you are in love with Jordan and have been sleeping with him.

DEAR ABBY: I have known my husband for seven years, and I love him very much, but I am no longer "in love" with him. Somehow along the way the spark in our union has fizzled.

We have a wonderful family and have been through so much together. I don't want a divorce. I want to make our marriage work, and so does he.

- Sparkless in Texas

DEAR SPARKLESS: That you and your husband want your marriage to work means it is capable of being resuscitated.

A way to reignite it would be to spend more time alone together, participate in activities you both enjoy, and make time regularly to talk, relax and touch each other. And if necessary, enlist the services of a licensed marriage counselor.