Question: My brother's wife is pregnant and very difficult. First, she took weeks to even tell me I was going to be an aunt. Then she asked me not to tell anyone, including my own sons, until she was further along. It took a few more weeks until she would "let" my sons know, and then she told them herself! When I wanted to take a picture of how she told them, "in a special way," she asked me not to put it on Facebook.

What do I say to her to let her know how rude and selfish she's being? My boys are excited to be big cousins and I want my friends and family to know about their being cousins.

Answer: Whose body is this?

Whose fetus is this?

Whose news is this?

Whose decision is this on how, when, and with whom the news will be shared?

I can't say I'm a fan of the highly controlled news release, but that preference applies to no one but me, and to no one's news but mine; your sister-in-law's comfort zone is what governs the release of her news.

So, to identify the person who's being "very difficult" (and self-centered, and, if you're pressuring her or complaining to others in the family circle, rude), you need a mirror. Your sister-in-law is not having a baby just to entertain your children or provide you with the perfect social-media moment. Your place in this event is squarely on the sidelines.

Know that place, and stay in it, unless and until you're invited to step in closer.

Question: My current boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half and we've decided he is going to move in with me next month. We've had our little ups and downs, and we work things out.

As exciting as this is for us, I'm less excited about telling my mom for fear of a negative reaction. I planned on telling her after he's been moved in for about a month.

Answer: Besides postponing your discomfort, what exactly will you accomplish by delaying this talk with your mom?

If you're ready to do it, then you're ready to own it.

About that readiness: Why use "current" to modify "boyfriend" when there's only one? Please ask yourself whether Mom's expectations are the sole origin of your doubts.

tellme@washpost.com

Chat with Carolyn Hax online at noon Fridays at www.washingtonpost.com.