Should I be worried that my wife watches lesbian porn?

Q: My wife and I have been married for five years. We're in our mid-30s. I recently discovered that she has been viewing lesbian porn on our shared home computer. I was stunned.

Our sex life is pretty good, but I feel there is plenty for me to be concerned about. Why wasn't my wife comfortable in sharing this with me? Is it possible that deep inside she may be dangerously close to trying a woman? Is it normal for women to fantasize about other women?

How should I deal with this issue? Should I confront her? Or wait for something to happen that could potentially derail our marriage?

Steve: Porn viewers tend to feel guilty and thus rarely tell their partners. Nothing unusual there. Sexuality is on a sliding scale, and heterosexuals certainly can have a mild attraction to a same-sex person while never feeling a need to act on it. Nothing unusual there, either.

Don't "confront" your wife. Raise the issue in the context of a discussion about what you each like in sex, a discussion that all couples should maintain throughout their lives. Communication and compromise is what keeps a marriage on the rails.

Mia: Ask your wife to watch some porn with you. That gives you a perfect inroad to ask her what type she prefers. If she's honest, ask her what it is about lesbian porn that excites her, an easy way to open the discussion. If she's not honest, you may indeed have cause to worry.

Q: Valentine's Day is just around the corner. I want to really surprise my girlfriend, so I was thinking about hiring a couple of Chippendale dancers and have them perform at her desk at work during lunch. I've enlisted the help of one of her co-workers. Do you think this is a good idea?

Steve: If it isn't, I suspect we'll get an email soon from a woman who was humiliated in front of her boss and co-workers by a tone-deaf boyfriend.

Mia: If she works with us here at the Daily News, it's a great idea. If not, you need to run the idea by her boss first. If you're not comfortable doing so, then she probably would not be comfortable with Chippendales. Go with a nice singing telegram or flowers instead.

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