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Her family wants her dead rather than gay

I keep asking myself if my attraction to my lover was a choice, but I don’t remember “choosing” this.

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in a loving relationship with another woman. My family has been harsh in their remarks to me, saying that they would rather I was dead than doing this, or that I should move away if this is the way I am going to live.

I have been married twice. Neither marriage worked out. During my childhood, I was molested by a family member. Since then, I have been scared of men and don't want to be around them. I have had crushes on women in the past, but didn't tell my family because I'm a 30-year-old adult and I felt it was none of their business.

I keep asking myself if my attraction to my lover was a choice, but I don't remember "choosing" this. All I remember is falling for her and not wanting to look back. Should I end this relationship and live alone forever? I never want to be with another man as long as I live.

- Aching in Amarillo

DEAR ACHING: Because your family is so unaccepting of your sexual orientation, it would be interesting to know how they view your molester. Did you tell anyone what happened, and did you receive counseling about it? If the answer is you didn't, then please consider getting some now to help you deal with any residual issues, because you appear to have a few - like your fear of and aversion to all men.

What your family said was cruel and uncalled-for. It's apparent they know nothing about homosexuality. There is a chapter of PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) about two hours away from your community, in Lubbock. You can find it online at It can provide information to help you build bridges of understanding with your family.

Assuming the feelings you have for this woman are reciprocated, the two of you might be happier moving to a community that is more welcoming. Texas is a big, diverse state and Dallas, Houston or Austin might be a better fit for you.