Steve: You gotta make a deal. You pick the most important job: bills. You two share the payment and pay it on time. You're in charge. Everything else, let him get it late. He will eventually play better or he won't. But that's on him, not you.
Mia: You really need to lighten up, girlfriend. Except for paying bills, all of those things you're griping about don't really matter. You're driving yourself and your husband crazy worrying about dishes. Stash them away somewhere and buy yourself some paper plates and use those instead. Call one of those maid services to help out. If he won't plan a vacation, then you do it. Book a spa trip with your friends and go. Stop trying to be a perfectionist. Relax. Take a yoga class and let go.
Mia: This isn't really about him losing control but about your own low self esteem. You've got to work on that. There's always going to be someone prettier or with a better body. But you're a unique person with your own special gifts. Remember that the next time a twenty-something in a thong struts by you on the beach. As for the trip, buy yourself a nice coverup and go. Life's too short not to have fun!