WELCOME TO Wonderland, home of Brotherly Love, Sisterly Affection and kowtowing to criminals - alleged, convicted, foreign and domestic.

We start with a rogues' gallery of Philly cops who were videotaped with their hands in the cookie jars (or down women's pants) who didn't seem quite guilty enough for our D.A. to prosecute. (After an uproar, he is reviewing claims women were groped.)

That's domestic. From abroad, we have "immigrants" (which is what language-abusing apologists call them, foreswearing the precedent "illegal") who arrive undocumented, break our laws, jump our borders, overstay their visas and violate our sovereignty.

The cops have been a problem a long time, even before (and after) Frank Rizzo.

Our illegalistas, a more recent problem, employ a long-term negotiating strategy: Scream bloody murder that their (fill in the blank) civil rights or human rights or constitutional rights or extraterrestrial rights are being violated. Scream at the mayor until he gives them half of what they want to STFU.

They wait a year or two, return, start screaming about the same damn thing and he gives them another half. It's the Shampoo Strategy: Complain, rinse, repeat.

August 2009 was the first local print mention of so-called immigration advocates (illegal immigrant apologists) demanding the city end participation in "Secure Communities," a voluntary federal program by which local police check the immigration status of arrested persons and hold them (for 48 hours) as Immigration and Customs Enforcement researches them. The idea was to find, and deport, criminals. Mayor Nutter said he saw no reason to halt the program.

A clown posse led by Councilman James Kenney said the plan would make "immigrants" less likely to report a crime for fear of being deported. That was monumental fearmongering because those reporting crimes, or victims, were neither fingerprinted nor arrested.

Less than a year later, a brainwashed Nutter said he'd end cooperation with ICE and stop the feds (which are regarded by some as the Gestapo) from accessing the Preliminary Arraignment Reporting System.

"Immigration advocates" claimed PARS led to deportation of those arrested for even "minor" crimes. ICE is trying to protect us from criminals, but the open borders crowd isn't interested in Americans' rights.

We can't allow our sympathy for their desire for a better life to erase our right to ask, "Why didn't you come here legally?" Their problems are self-inflicted, a result of their illegal actions.

Nutter said he wanted to shield undocumented-immigrant crime victims and witnesses from harm. In July 2010, he extended the agreement, but deleted the names of victims and witnesses. A fair compromise.

Done deal? Not quite.

A couple of weeks back, hounded by illegal immigrant enablers, Nutter extended cooperation with ICE but with an executive order studded with crippling loopholes. ICE will be notified only if the suspect has a previous conviction, but not just a conviction, it must be a felony. But not just a felony, it must be a first- or second-degree felony. But not just a first- or second-degree felony, it must also involve violence.

If ex-cons meet those stupefying criteria, Nutter will order them held in the Presidential Suite of the Four Seasons. (I made that last one up.)

In short, if you are here illegally, you can (nonviolently) steal cars, embezzle, deal drugs and burgle with no fear Philly will report you to ICE.

Within a few weeks, Nutter decriminalized foreign felons and criminalized smoking in parks.

Welcome to Wonderland.

Phone: 215-854-5977

On Twitter: @StuBykofsky

Blog: ph.ly/Byko

Columns: ph.ly/StuBykofsky