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Next ‘Idol’ auditions: Nowhere near Philly

Fox megahit American Idol won't be stopping in Philadelphia this summer - or anywhere close.

Fox megahit

American Idol

won't be stopping in Philadelphia this summer - or anywhere close.

The audition cities have been named and the closest one is Foxboro, Mass.

No Meadowlands this year.

The others on the list: Atlanta, Chicago, Dallas, Los Angeles, Orlando and Denver.

Maybe we shouldn't complain.

The Philadelphia area hasn't exactly been a hotbed of talent for TV's top show.

Only a few locals have made the top two dozen, and only two, Doylestown's Justin Guarini in season one and Trevose's Anthony Federov in season four, made the final four.

Two summers ago, however, Idol not only had a record turnout here, but found quite a memorable assortment of characters.

Remember how New Hope comedian Paul Marturano, a.k.a. Pauly Nipple, serenaded Paula Abdul with his legendary "Stalker" song?

Sample lyrics:

If she was a doggy, I would walk her.

If she were a blackboard, I would chalk her.

If I were Columbo, I'd Peter Falk her,

But I'm not, so I'll just stalk her.

Or how about Ben Haar of Newark, Del., who, at the judges' request, had his chest waxed so he'd look less gross in his Princess Leia belly-dancer getup - and less like Jabba the Hutt?

Also part of the geeks-and-freaks show was 39-year-old Milo Turk of Atlantic City, who sang "No Sex Allowed" ("So I promise her love and she strings along / Because sex is weak and love is strong!").

And how about Allentown's middle-finger-flickin' glitter-face girl? Alexis Cohen's multiply bleeped tirade about judge Simon Cowell (who rightly trashed her singing) landed her some major face-time.

Then again, maybe these "performances" explain why Idol hasn't come back.

So far, no dates have been announced, and most of the venues are still a mystery.

The Massachusetts audition, though, will be at Gillette Stadium, outside Boston.