MAY I OFFER my services as an editor of your wonderful letters pages?
With my background, I'm certain to choose letters of value to all those readers out there who like to write about drugs, crime, teenage murders, the police chief, the mayor who doesn't know what he is doing and all those letters about football, the Eagles, the Sixers, the hockey players - they'll all find room with me.
If I get the job because of my lack of education (only went to 10th grade) and a brief period of homelessness, and with my paranoia for the underdog, I will be an asset to your paper.
Also, having just got out of jail, I know all about that and it would add to my expertise and understanding. And since I'm a very good liar, what more could you ask?