Back Channels: 'Chicago II': A governor's story

Somewhere in Hollywood:

Producer:

OK, Mr. Moore, let's hear the pitch.

Michael Moore:

You'll love this. I call it a tragi-comic-docu-romance-musical sequel,

Chicago II: The Story of Rod Blagojevich

. And we don't even have to write new songs. The old ones fit perfectly.

P:

A political musical? I don't know. . .

MM:

No, wait. Hear me out. We open with an overhead shot of the governor's mansion, zooming in through the window to the big hair guy's office. He's standing on his desk, singing to the staff:

Ask any of the chickies in my pen

I love 'em all and all of them love me

Because the system works

The system called reciprocity. . .

P: That does sort of fit.

MM:

We cut to the family quarters, with Mrs. B singing to a pic of her hubby,

He ain't no sheik

#$%&

That's no great physique

#$%&

Lord knows he ain't got the smarts.

#$%&

That scummy, crummy

Dummy #$%& of mine.

P: Those expletives could pull in a younger audience.

MM:

Then we move to a news conference with Patty Fitzgerald and the U.S. Attorney Five. The feds are behind Fitz, swaying and snapping their fingers,

He had it coming

He only had himself to blame

If you'd have been there

If you'd have seen it

And Patty belts out his solo line: "I betcha you would have done the same!"

Then back to the chorus:

The dirty bum bum bum

The dirty bum bum bum.

P: A swaying Patrick Fitzgerald is kind of a turnoff.

MM:

Then we go to singing citizens on the street,

Whatever happend to fair dealing?

And pure ethics?

And nice manners?

Why is it everyone now is a pain in the ass?

Whatever happened to class?

P: So this isn't just about Chicago. This is about the deterioration of America in the Bush years.

MM:

Exactly. OK, now back to the Guv, who is still into his desktop number,

Got a little motto

Always sees me through

When you're good to Blago

Blago's good to you!

P: You can pull back and suggest the camera/bug is in the office chandelier.

MM:

Too Philadelphia. OK, now some foreshadowing. Blago's lawyer talking to the press,

Although you meet rats

They're not complete rats

So try to find that little bit of good.

P: Oh my gosh, you're gonna get him off?

MM:

Not without some dark days for the Gov. We show him alone at the desk, spotlight on him and his hair,

Many's the @#$%& guy

Who told me he cares

But they were scratchin' my back

'Cause I was scratchin' theirs...

From here to the end

I am my own best friend, @#$%&....

I won't give in

I'll never bend

and I am my own best friend.

P: How do you handle the connection to the president-elect?

MM:

Right now everyone's buying that no one on Obama's team - even the longtime Chicago pols - even knew Illinois had a governor. So we go behind the scenes with adviser David Axelrod coaching the staff,

Give 'em act with lots of flash in it

And the reaction will be passionate...

When you're in trouble, go into your dance

Razzle dazzle 'em

And you've got a romance.

P: That could be tricky.

MM:

No problem. In this version, all Democrats are innocent. The whole thing is a Karl Rove conspiracy to embarrass the new administration.

P:

So Blago walks?

MM:

Yeah, on a technicality. There were no Kennedys in the state he could appoint to Obama's Senate seat - you know, the way things work in the rest of the country. So Blago had no choice but to do something else.

P:

Clever.

MM:

Big finish, then. The Gov is back atop the desk, the staff circling him, ecstatic, and he's belting out more of his signature number,

The folks atop the ladder

Are the ones the world adores

So boost me up my ladder, @#$%

And I'll boost you up yours...

So what's the one conclusion

I can bring this number to?

When you're good to Blago

@#$%& Blago's good to you!