As Christmas approaches, Inquirer columnist Frank Fitzpatrick offers his annual compilation of carols for Philadelphia sports fans to sing.

"O-DU-BEL"

(Sung to "Jingle Bells")

O-du-bel, O-du-bel

Odubel got paid.

Oh, how dumb it was to think

The Phillies might upgrade.

Hey, O-du-bel, O-du-bel

Odubel got paid.

Oh, how dumb it was to think

The Phillies might upgrade.

Offering at a pitch

That's two feet off the plate

His swing has got a hitch.

I thought he'd be trade bait.

Before his average slipped,

He played like Willie Mays

What fun it was to see bats flipped

And then came the malaise.

Hey, O-du-bel, O-du-bel

Odubel got paid.

Oh, how dumb it was to think

The Phillies might upgrade.


"KID WENTZ LOOKED LOST"

(Sung to "King Wenceslas")

The Eagles new kid Wentz looked lost

For half of the season.

Many throws were poorly tossed

And there seemed no reason.

Foolishly he held the ball

When a sack was coming.

Tried to show that he had gall.

But he took a drumming.

Wentz, our Eagles need you well

To become contenders.

Every time they ring your bell

Their chances get more slender.

The Eagles new kid Wentz looked lost

For half of the season.

Many throws were poorly tossed

And there seemed no reason.


"YOU THIRST, NOEL"

(Sung to "The First Noel")

You thirst, Noel, to get on the floor,

To show you can rebound, play defense and score.

Play defense and score, just doing your thing.

You'll take 20 minutes, you don't need a ring.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.

Bored with his fling in Sixers hell.

They drafted him . . . to be a big star

Instead he's been sitting. It's all so bizarre.

It's all so bizarre. His butt's on the pine.

It's all so depressing, no wonder he's cryin'.

Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel.

Bored with his fling in Sixers hell.


"WRIGHT WINS TWO"

(Sung to "White Christmas")

I'm dreaming that Jay Wright wins two.

Just like the one he did before.

With the three-balls swishin', and point guards dishin'

And a 'D' that makes it tough to score.

I'm dreaming that Jay Wright wins two.

And doesn't wander to the pros.

Will he stay at Nova? Who knows?

Maybe if his Christmas gifts are clothes.


"COAT THE BALLS"

(Sung to "Deck the Halls")

Coat the balls with lots of stickum.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Maybe Nelson then won't brick 'em.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Why'd we draft a guy with dropsy?

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Can't we get him some epoxy?

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

See the passes fall before us

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

How'd his hands get so darn porous?

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Agholor, you've been so wretched.

Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

All we ask is that you catch it.

Fa-la-la-la-la-fa-la-la-la.


"AWFUL COACH NICK"

(Sung to "Little St. Nick")

Well way down south where they move so slow

There's a coach who wins much, makes a lot of dough.

He's a real famous cat with the Crimson Tide.

You just know he cheats, though he's never been tried.

It's the Awful Coach Nick (Awful Coach Nick).

It's the Awful Coach Nick (Awful Coach Nick).

Run, run up scores.

Run, run up scores.

Well he beats up all the teams in the SEC.

But you wonder if his players passed the SAT.

He's so arrogant and cocky and though never banned.

When he tried it in the pros, he was quickly canned.

It's the Awful Coach Nick (Awful Coach Nick).

It's the Awful Coach Nick (Awful Coach Nick).

Run, run up scores.

Run, run up scores.