Insert foot joke here
Three weeks ago the New England Patriots forced New York Jets coach Rex Ryan to put his foot in his mouth to the tune of a 45-3 rout on Monday Night Football.
Perhaps he took a moment to appreciate the foot before sticking it between his teeth.
Ryan and his wife, Michelle, are in the middle of a storm the NFL has never seen before. Deadspin was tipped off to some YouTube videos of a woman who went by the name "ihaveprettyfeet." In the videos, the woman - who looks almost exactly like Michelle Ryan - shows off her feet in various stages of dress while relaxing. One of them even has a soundtrack where you can hear a voice remarkably similar to Rex Ryan's speaking to the woman.
Deadspin also did a little digging and found some biographical information about Ms. ihaveprettyfeet on foot-fetish sites that points to her being Michelle Ryan.
The item was published by the website on Tuesday. Rex Ryan was asked about it by Chicago and New York reporters on Wednesday and declined to comment, calling it "a personal matter." Both the league and the Jets used the same term when asked about their course of action.
But, really, what could they do? There is no nudity and no vulgarity in the videos Deadspin posted (six as of Wednesday evening), just a woman showing off her pretty feet.
And if Rex Ryan loves his wife's feet, good for her.
On Tuesday, Donovan McNabb accused Redskins coach Mike Shanahan of being unprofessional for not telling him about his demotion before it was leaked to reporters. McNabb also said he didn't know he was being dropped to third on the depth chart before Shanahan announced it at a news conference.
Shanahan disputed the second point on Wednesday.
"I don't know how that's possible because the first person I told was him," Shanahan said.
How the awful West will be won
Let's return to the most fertile of grounds for comedic pigskin fodder. No, it's not the Giants' special teams. It's the race for the NFC West, which each week looks more and more like one of those minor-league baseball promotions that has two fans running down the baseline after spinning around a bat 10 times.
Last Thursday, the Cardinals lost their 10th game and ruined our scenario in which all four division teams ended 7-9.
We've cleaned the egg from our faces and regrouped and are ready for another round of doomsday prognosticating:
In Week 16, the San Francisco 49ers will beat the St. Louis Rams, and the Seattle Seahawks will win at Tampa Bay.
In Week 17, the Niners will beat Arizona at home, and the Rams will take down the Seahawks on the road, leaving those three teams in first place at 7-9.
When that happens, a computer will spit out the 49ers as the NFC West champs. And football fans will feel spat upon as they watch the Niners host a playoff game.
"To still be in it, it's amazing," the 49ers' Vernon Davis said.
One man's amazing is another's embarrassing.
Sure, now you do it
Repair workers at the Metrodome resorted to using a shotgun on Monday to blow out a piece of the stadium's roof to relieve stress from snow and ice. Major-league outfielders would like to know why that wasn't to relieve their own stress 28 years ago.