From the ramshackle, windowless old shed in which we can reasonably assume he is spending the holiday, Denver Post sports writer and ESPN shouting-head Woody Paige is firing out crackpot theories.
With his co-host clutching his head in despair, Paige willfully suggested that perhaps the now 4-7 Eagles (Paige spoke before Thursday's 45-14 loss to the Lions) would be better off bringing back Tim Tebow to play quarterback.
"If they'd have kept Tim Tebow," Paige said voluntartily with his own human mouth, "he could have run the offense that Chip Kelly has."
This concept can be broken into two parts:
On the one hand, Tim Tebow.
On the other, Mark Sanchez and an injured Sam Bradford.
It doesn't matter. The Eagles aren't going to the playoffs anyway, and if they manage to use the NFC East's humiliating incompetence to get there. They will just get blasted out in the first round faster than a first pick from Sanchez.
WARNING: This video closes with Paige's co-host making a "Philly fans booed Santa" reference, then mocking the death of the Santa in question when Paige informs him of his passing last year.