These parents wish Mikie Sherrill would defend their transgender kids. They understand why she doesn’t.

C.B. can’t even comprehend her transgender daughter being required to use the boys’ bathroom at her South Jersey school.

“If you went into her classroom and someone said, ‘Pick out the trans kid out of these 25 kids,’ you would not be able to,” C.B. said. “You might very well get it wrong.”

C.B., who asked to be identified by her initials to protect the privacy of her child, said she loves the Garden State. She has a “very Jersey family.”

But, like other parents of trans children, she’s considering packing her family’s bags depending on the results of the Nov. 4 election, and whether the next governor maintains the state’s LGBTQ+ friendly policies.

“I can’t think of anyone who’s not at least thinking of a contingency plan. I think we all have our limits of when we’ve got to go,” C.B. said. “We just have to protect our kids.”

The stakes of the election are stark for C.B. and other parents. Jack Ciattarelli, the Republican nominee for New Jersey governor, opposes state policies implemented under Democratic Gov. Phil Murphy meant to protect transgender children. Ciattarelli says he would require schools to tell parents about their children’s gender identity and stop transgender girls from participating in girls’ sports. He also opposes gender-affirming care for minors and believes parents should be able to opt their kids out of LGBTQ+ related topics in school.

U.S. Rep. Mikie Sherrill, the Democratic nominee, has largely voted in support of transgender rights throughout her nearly seven-year legislative career. She was endorsed by LGBTQ+ advocacy groups as well as her friend U.S. Rep. Sarah McBride (D., Del.), the first openly transgender member of Congress. But Sherrill has not publicly defended trans rights when criticized by Ciattarelli and has declined to answer reporters’ questions on the matter.

L.B., another South Jersey parent facing the same dilemma in the lead-up to Election Day, said her 10-year-old transgender daughter isn’t stealing any thunder from other girls on her coed sports team — she is the smallest in her class. And it’s hard for her to imagine anyone seeing her child as a threat to anyone in the bathroom.

“People move from all over the country to New Jersey because it’s known as a safe haven for LGBTQ rights,” said L.B., who is using her initials to protect her child’s privacy. “And now, if Jack Ciattarelli wins, it could become a state that people have to flee from.”

During the 2024 election, President Donald Trump frequently attacked Vice President Kamala Harris for supporting transgender people. Ciattarelli has followed that playbook, framing Sherrill on the campaign trail, in ads, and on the debate stage as being too supportive of transgender identities.

Sherrill has not just ignored the attacks. She has avoided talking about the issue altogether.

“I don’t necessarily blame her for that, although more vocal support, outspoken support, would be amazing. It would make a lot of us feel much safer,” C.B. said.

Other transgender rights advocates interviewed by The Inquirer also said they wish Sherrill would speak up more. But they understand why she doesn’t.

“Mikie Sherrill is not saying much of anything about the transgender population — which, you know, frankly, is what unfortunately might be her best strategy to be elected,” said Melissa Firstenberg, a transgender woman who founded Marlton Pride. “Unfortunately, for somebody like me, she is the only option.”

Trump campaigned for president on the promise of stopping transgender athletes from competing in women’s and girls’ sports.

Ciattarelli has also made the popular GOP talking point a centerpiece of his campaign. In his stump speeches, he attacks Sherrill for voting “to allow biological boys to play in girls’ sports” despite being “a mother of two daughters,” in reference to her vote against the “Protection of Women and Girls in Sports Act‚” which would prohibit transgender girls from participating in girls’ sports and had support from only two House Democrats.

Ciattarelli has championed a so-called parental rights movement and frequently touts his opposition to New Jersey School Policy 5756, an advisory policy calling for schools to support students’ gender identity and allow transgender students to compete on sports teams and use the restrooms where they feel comfortable. The guidance states that parental consent is not needed to accept a student’s asserted gender identity.

In the first general election debate last month, Ciattarelli tried to veer the conversation to transgender youth in schools multiple times, and said he was concerned about “the welfare of our children.”

“I don’t think school districts should be keeping secrets from parents. I don’t think that biological boys should be playing in girls’ sports,” he said.

“She opposes me on both of those issues,” Ciattarelli added, referring to Sherrill’s 2023 vote against the “Parents Bill of Rights Act” that would require parental notification of children’s gender identity, among other measures. No House Democrats voted for the bill.

Sherrill did not address her past votes, correct Ciattarelli, or respond to the specifics of his argument, beyond mentioning that “parents know their kids best, and they need to be able to determine if there’s something they want to opt out of.” That stance echoes Ciattarelli’s arguments, though it was unclear what exactly Sherrill was referring to.

When asked after the debate about participation of transgender athletes, Sherrill deferred to “New Jersey sports groups” and the National Collegiate Athletic Association. She also cited her support for the Kids Online Safety Act, mentioning an uptick in bullying of LGBTQ+ youth.

Sherrill has garnered endorsements and donations from LGBTQ+ advocacy groups like the Human Rights Campaign and Garden State Equality for her voting record — though she did take heat for a December 2024 vote for the National Defense Authorization Act, which included a provision that removed transgender healthcare for military dependents. Despite her vote, Sherrill criticized that measure as singling “out a small handful of innocent children to be used as political pawns.”

But Sherrill declined through a campaign spokesperson to share her stance on the state’s school guidance or protections for gender-affirming care for this story, or to be interviewed about trans rights.

Instead, in a statement, Sherrill said she “will govern in a way that keeps New Jersey kids, my own and others, safe and with parents in the driver’s seat regarding their kids’ education.” The 200-word statement did not mention “trans,” “gender,” or “LGBTQ.”

She also said that “schools are a place to learn, not to advance political agendas,” and that she would ensure they teach “the full history of our nation” and continue to give parents the choice to opt out of “certain sex-education conversations.”

Meanwhile, Chris Russell, a Ciattarelli campaign spokesperson, said in a text message that Ciattarelli “opposes so-called gender-affirming care for minors” when asked about Murphy’s executive order that makes the state a “safe haven” for gender-affirming healthcare.

“As Governor Jack will review all of Governor Murphy’s EO’s and related policies to ensure that they are consistent with his positions regarding parental notification for minors, protecting women’s & girl’s sports & offering an age appropriate curriculum,” he added.

Sherrill is not the only Democrat across the country who has trod lightly on trans rights since Republicans upped the attacks last year, but Diane Rugala, a Collingswood-based parent whose transgender son is a Rutgers University graduate student, thinks Sherrill should “just own it” when it comes to defending transgender kids.

“You have to play the game, I get it,” said Rugala, who is also an activist with PFLAG, an LGBTQ+ advocacy group.

“But I also think that a really authentic statement would be good,” she added. “I don’t think people are asking for her to become this big advocate for the trans community … just a simple statement.”

Ciattarelli’s campaign recently started running an ad that highlights Sherrill saying that she “would push an LGBTQ education into our schools,” and that “parents have a right to opt out of a lot of things” but “this is not an area where they should be opting out.”

The clip was from a Democratic primary debate earlier this year when she was responding to the question of whether parents should be able to opt their students out of “LGBTQ-related content” in the same way they can be taken out of sex-ed and health classes.

The ad calls it her “education plan” and tells viewers that it’s “your choice, not hers.”

She explained in that debate that students should understand “the background of people throughout our nation” and condemned the “erasure of history.” As of 2020, New Jersey schools are required to teach about societal contributions from LGBTQ+ people, along with other groups, in middle and high school social studies.

Another ad echoes the attack that was lodged against Vice President Kamala Harris’ presidential campaign.

The American Principles Project (APP), a Virginia-based conservative group that identifies itself as “pro-family,” paid for an ad that vilifies trans people and accuses Sherrill of wanting to “protect they/them instead of your children,” referencing nonbinary pronouns. The group’s New Jersey PAC reported $126,000 in expenditures in the race as of Oct. 3, with $429,000 more cash on hand.

Trump’s campaign aired ads last year arguing that Harris is for “they/them,” while Trump is for “you.”

Jo Miller, 29, a transgender woman who serves on the Woodbury City Council, said she “would like to see a more forceful response” from Sherrill because not addressing the attacks can leave more people thinking that Republicans’ “demonization” of trans people — a small segment of the population — is true.

“I would love to see Mikie Sherrill take some stronger stances, and I think we will see that eventually as governor, but I think the truth is, it’s not her main focus,” Miller said. “And it’s kind of strange that it’s Jack Ciattarelli’s main focus, and it’s Donald Trump’s main focus.”

This article has been updated to clarify which LGBTQ rights groups endorsed Sherrill’s campaign.