With baby comes a deep sense of gratitude

THE PARENTS: Andrea Highbloom, 32, and Scott Peterman, 37, of Fairmount

THE CHILD: Eliana Sophia, born May 23, 2022

WHY THAT WHITMAN QUOTE? When friends asked Scott how things were going with Andrea, “All I could really tell them was that we were together and that was all that mattered.”

The custom-made necklace Scott gave Andrea included a favorite Walt Whitman quote — ”We were together. I forget the rest” — and a date, March 11, 2017.

“What’s this?” she asked.

“This is the day I’m proposing to you,” he said.

They’d been together — a warm friendship that segued naturally into dating — since 2014, when they met through the nonprofit Jewish Heritage Programs at the University of Pennsylvania.

Their first date — also the site of their first kiss — was at Local 44 in West Philly. “I fell in love first,” Scott says. “I think we both realized how quick, smooth, and enjoyable it was to move to the next phase of our relationship and just embraced it.”

They began living together a few months after becoming engaged and married in May 2018, the same day as Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s wedding. Andrea cherishes the memory of their ketubah signing; for Scott, it was the big band and the dance floor rocking with friends and family.

Kids, for both of them, were a definite yes. “I think the more, the better,” says Andrea, though Scott is advocating for just two.

“I found the idea of parenthood pretty overwhelming and intimidating. But I was ready to face it head-on with Andrea.” He credits her with sparking his “secret love of babies,” while he instigated, for her, an affinity for dogs. They have an Australian cobberdog — their “fur-by” — named Shelby.

They began talking seriously about conception in the latter half of 2019. They tried on their own for a while, then sought a consult from a fertility clinic. Eventually, it took IVF — endless needles, an egg retrieval in January 2021, and three transfers over the course of that spring, summer, and fall.

“I did all the shots myself,” Andrea says. “That didn’t bother me. What was hardest was when the transfers didn’t work. It’s definitely draining, because you put a lot of time into each cycle.”

A blood draw at the clinic confirmed what at-home test sticks had already shown. But Andrea remained tentative until the first ultrasound. “It wasn’t even the heartbeat yet; it was just the sac, with a black dot in there, and that’s when it felt much more real.” Because of COVID-19, Scott wasn’t permitted to enter the clinic; Andrea’s sister waited outside with flowers and balloons. “That’s when we let ourselves feel more excited.”

What she really wanted was to feel the baby move. That happened at 21 weeks, and Andrea began to enjoy her pregnancy. They ordered baby furniture and took a virtual seminar on labor that reminded Andrea of a middle school health class; Scott fell asleep on the couch.

At 36 weeks, they attended a wedding and had a maternity photo shoot. Andrea ate some ice cream, then developed a stomach ache. She also had the urge to take a bath — the first time she’d used the tub in their house. By 1 a.m., she felt certain of what was happening.

“I thought: I’m in labor. At 2:20 a.m., my water broke. I screamed, ‘We need to go to the hospital now!’ Scott was searching for socks. I didn’t have a bag packed. I forgot my driver’s license.”

She was a month early and 10 cm dilated when they arrived at Lankenau Medical Center. “They said, ‘It’s time to push.’ I said, ‘What?’ All I wanted was the epidural. They said, in a nice way, ‘That isn’t going to happen.’ ”

Andrea pushed for nearly 90 minutes; her mother made it to the delivery room just in time. “I was so shocked that she had been born that it didn’t register if she was a boy or a girl.”

The tumult didn’t end there. Scott tested positive for COVID — he figures he picked it up at the wedding they’d attended — and wasn’t permitted back in the hospital after Eliana was born. Andrea was discharged from the hospital to her parents’ home while Scott quarantined at their place. By the end of the week, Andrea had also come down with COVID.

Once they were back together, both wore masks for another five days. Eliana never got sick. “We’re both big planners who like to think things through,” Scott says. “We were totally unprepared for the first few weeks of her life.”

But the baby was fine: 6 pounds, 1 ounce and healthy, if a bit sleepy. Scott was glad to take the night shift. “It was OK to take as long as I needed to figure out how to change diapers and feed her correctly.”

He’d been so anxious about the early weeks of parenthood that, in some ways, the chaos calmed him. “She felt so fragile at first, but now maybe I’m a little more self-confident because Eliana’s doing so well. I honestly couldn’t have imagined how happy I would be, especially the past month or two as she’s gotten more responsive and engaged.”

Pre-parenthood, he frequently vanished into work — he’s executive director of Philadelphia Charters for Excellence — with tunnel vision about what else was happening around him. Now, he might look up and realize that he’s spent the last hour bouncing a giggling baby on his lap.

For Andrea, parenthood has brought a more acute sense of gratitude. “I’m more sensitive to the world — feeling so lucky and knowing that anything can happen. It’s hard to be present. But we try to do that, putting away our phones and work when she’s awake.”

Both of their mothers offered to do childcare one day a week, and since they work primarily from home — Andrea is a recruiter for Amtrak — they’re able to spend a lot of time together as a family.

“I always tell Eliana that I used a lot of needles [to conceive her] and I’m very happy she’s here,” Andrea says. “I look at her and think: It’s all so worth it.”