Parenthood brings surprises, blessings

THE PARENTS: Ivana Velíšková, 31, and Mark Del Rossi, 39, of Brewerytown

THE CHILD: Isabela, born Feb. 28, 2021

HER NAME: They wanted a name that would work in both English and Ivana’s native Czech, and one that would chime with Mark’s last name. “Isabela rolled off the tongue,” Ivana says.

It was Mark’s biological clock that provided the motivating tick.

“I wanted to have a kid before I turned 40,” he says. “I didn’t want to be the ‘old dad’ when my kid graduated from high school. I wanted my parents to see as much of [their grandchild’s] life as possible. Raising a life that can continue on was very important to me, and something that I really wanted.”

For Ivana, parenthood was a harder sell. She recalls one pivotal conversation — they were in an Uber, coming home from somewhere — about whether or not to have children. “I was on the fence,” she says. “I was focusing a lot on my career. I was unsure about having a child, where it would lead me.”

Both are software developers; they met at work in 2015 and recall chatting online while watching the 2016 Olympics, waiting for the team from the Czech Republic to enter, then realizing the teams were being introduced in alphabetical order according to their countries’ names in Portuguese, not English.

“I really liked Mark’s intelligence,” Ivana says. “He’s hilarious. He makes me laugh.” For Mark, Ivana provided a stabilizing influence. “I needed to change the routines of my life, and she was part of that.”

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They’d been dating only a few months when a fire on Ivana’s block caused water and smoke damage severe enough that she had to vacate her house. “Mark very kindly offered that I could start staying with him and living there.”

Mark wondered whether cohabitation might feel smothering so early in their relationship. “But it didn’t feel at all like that. It felt natural: I can spend all day, every day, with my best friend.”

They talked about marriage and ordered a custom ring set with a diamond from Mark’s mother’s engagement ring; it happened to be ready for pickup the night of Ivana’s birthday dinner in 2018. But she wouldn’t let Mark propose in the restaurant — she would certainly cry, and then her makeup would run — so he waited until they got home.

Initially, they figured on going to City Hall, obtaining a marriage license, and planning a celebration for later with family and friends. Mark said, “I told my mom, ‘Oh, Ivana and I are going to get married,’ and she said, ‘Well, I want to be there.’ Then we had to invite Ivana’s parents. Her sister, my sister and brother.” Soon they were calling around South Philly to find a restaurant that could take 20 people.

It was a street-side ceremony, followed by dinner at Ralph’s, then champagne and dessert — Ivana baked a lemon-strawberry cake with whipped cream frosting — back at the house in Bella Vista.

They got a dog. They trained the dog. “I think I got to a point in my career where I felt really comfortable; I felt like I was finally ready to actually have children,” Ivana says. Mark’s 40th birthday was on the horizon; 2020 would be the target year for conceiving.

Last July, after a holiday weekend at the Shore, Ivana tied a “Big Brother” bandanna on their dog, Staflik, and sent him into the room where Mark was working. “After a couple of months of trying and being disappointed, I was excited,” she recalls. But they kept the news to themselves until after the first ultrasound.

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Meantime, Ivana’s morning sickness was severe and constant. Occasionally her blood pressure would spike, then anxiety would drive it even higher. By 37 weeks, her pressure was high enough that doctors decided to induce labor.

She was admitted to Jefferson University Hospital on a Wednesday. “They were trying to help my cervix ripen, but nothing was moving along. I tried to do a natural delivery, but my body was just not ready to give birth. A certain someone was not ready to come out.” After four days, she’d developed preeclampsia; it was time for a C-section.

Ivana recalls being numb from the waist down while her arms tingled with a pins-and-needles sensation. She remembers doctors holding up the baby so Mark could announce the sex, then moments of silence before he spoke.

“When she was actually born, it didn’t really hit me until she started to cry: She’s out in the world,” he says. “I could feel my chest beat. I felt like I was going to faint at one point. The doctor held her up and showed me the bits. I took a second to make sure what I was seeing was what I was seeing … then said to Ivana, ‘It’s a girl! And here she is.’ ”

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While there were blessings to the pandemic — being able to work from home while pregnant and during the postpartum period — the early weeks of parenthood also brought strain. “I could barely carry her up and down the stairs,” Ivana says. “I was adamant that I wanted to nurse, but my milk didn’t come in for nearly a week. I felt like I might be a failure if I supplemented. But when we did that, and she was happy and fed, I felt like a better parent.”

Sometimes, during predawn bottle feedings, Mark would post to Facebook in the style of the Saturday Night Live recurring “Perspectives” sketch: “Hi, it’s 4:40 in the morning and I’m feeding my kid.”

Ivana envisions baking with Isabela — making traditional Czech vanilla crescents or honey spice cookies — when she’s older. Mark dreams of father/daughter dances.

For now, there is the ongoing surprise of parenthood, like the day — Isabela was 2 months old — when they woke at 5 a.m. and realized they hadn’t heard a whimper for hours. “She’d slept from 10 or 11 the night before,” Ivana says. “We were confused: Is she OK? Is she still breathing?” A call to the pediatrician reassured them: Nothing was wrong. They should count their blessings. Their daughter had learned to sleep through the night.