Committing to a ‘family-focused life’

THE PARENTS: Laura Reynolds, 38, and Bill Reynolds, 39, of Lancaster

THE KIDS: Adelynn Grace, 6; Safina Joy, 2, adopted May 9, 2023

FIRST DATE SITE: The Camden Aquarium, where Bill’s “fish nerd” was on full display and Laura found the setting “sweet, refreshing, different from my norm.”

Many people say they like children. But Laura meant that in a different, deeper way: While at Temple University, studying for a master’s degree in social work, she volunteered in a long-term care facility for children who were medically fragile.

“She was working with these children who had a lot of needs, a lot of brokenness, a lot of hurt, a lot of trauma,” Bill says. “I realized that she had a special heart. I think that type of person is rare.”

The two met in 2012 at a banquet for an organization that sponsors medical mission trips; Bill had been to Nepal with the group earlier that spring, and Laura was considering a similar trip. Only later did they learn the meeting was a setup: Bill’s mother had talked to a colleague of Laura’s, and they were purposely seated at the same table.

Their values aligned. “We were in our late 20s, at that stage in our lives of trying to get more serious about settling down,” Bill says.

He proposed, during a day trip to New York, with Laura’s grandmother’s engagement ring. When Laura’s father noted, “He’s a really nice guy,” she responded, “I’m not marrying him because he’s a nice guy. I’m marrying him because I see his commitment to me and his ability to work through anything.”

The wedding was in June 2015, in a barn in Honey Brook, Pa. They wanted a low-key, country ambience: lace, bouquets of baby’s breath, and a buffet that included brisket, cornbread, and mac and cheese.

Children were part of their conversation from the start. Bill also loved kids — he’d babysat and worked as a camp counselor — and when Laura said she thought five would be a great number, he realized, “Oh, she’s serious about this.”

She was also serious about adoption — not as a plan B, she says, but as part of plan A, a family comprised of both biological and adopted children. Bill had a childhood pal who was adopted. “It left an impression on me,” he recalls, so much so that by high school, he told a friend that he really wanted to adopt.

For both, the idea of providing a home to children who needed one felt like a core value, part of their commitment to what Laura calls a “family-focused life.” They’d had a pregnancy loss before they were married — a late miscarriage, at 24 weeks — so their excitement twinned with nervousness when Laura became pregnant again 10 months after their wedding.

“Once you have a loss, you just fear,” she says.

Bill agrees. “You don’t assume, at any point, that it’s a done deal.”

They hoped for a natural delivery, perhaps even a water birth, at a birth center — and all was proceeding according to plan until Laura reached 7 cm dilation and the midwife noticed meconium in the amniotic fluid. At WellSpan Ephrata Community Hospital, after a total of two days of labor, Laura finally said, “I think I’m calling it and having a C-section.” The goal, she says, was a healthy baby.

Both say that early parenthood, despite its exhaustion, was a grateful interlude, a time made sweeter because of the earlier loss. “We were tired, but loving it,” Laura says. “We thought: We won’t mind getting up [at night], because there’s a baby there. When you go home with empty arms, you long for that.”

They wanted more children. At first, Bill leaned toward having another biological child first, but Laura was drawn toward adoption after seeing a friend do respite care for three young boys.

They prayed about it and agreed to start the adoption process in September 2018. At first, they planned to adopt through a program that worked with children in South Africa. “But international adoption was starting to phase out; we were seeing problems come up, and we decided to back out,” Laura says.

Perhaps adoption through foster care would be a better plan. But the children they learned about had extensive trauma histories and mental health needs, more than the couple felt they could manage.

What about an infant with special needs? They were open to that. Nine times, a case worker called about a baby; nine times, a different prospective family was picked. They tried conceiving, only to run aground with infertility issues.

“We started to feel like: OK, maybe this is our family. Maybe we were supposed to be content with our daughter,” Laura says.

Then a call came from Bethany Christian Services. Fourth of July weekend, 2021. “We have this baby. She has Down syndrome. We think you might be the ones. You might be it.”

A week later, they were on their way to pick up Safina. Laura was so anxious and excited that she felt nauseous in the car. After months of prayers and disappointments, they’d finally told Adelynn, “You’re going to have a sister.”

The idea of caring for a child with Down syndrome didn’t scare them; nor are they unmoored by both children’s additional needs. Adelynn has been diagnosed with autism; Safina has a heart condition and visual impairment.

“Why is that burdensome?” Laura asks rhetorically. “This is just who she is.”

While they felt committed to Safina from the instant they met, it was only this spring that the adoption was finalized. Laura’s parents put a Happy Adoption Day sign on their lawn. Safina now has their last name.

Bill recalls the day: “The judge asking, ‘Will you take care of this child like she’s your biological child?’ Saying yes. It’s very emotional, very powerful.”

Laura describes parenthood as challenging, complicated, and ultimately healing. “I think children are such a mirror. They show us so much about ourselves, the good and the bad. I find it perplexing that people think we have so much to teach children, when we have so much to learn from them. It’s been very humbling.”