I know the best way to make a burger!

No, I do!

My way!

No, mine!

And so goes the debate.

The Washingtonian's Todd Kliman weighs in to this meaty national obsession by presenting a 15-step method derived by way of a conversation with an unidentified contest-winning cook he dubs The Burger Guru.

Unlike many of the burger instructionals out there, this one goes scientific as it justifies and explains each step. Tastiness mainly boils down to technique here, though he recommends the use of fish sauce, Duke's mayonnaise, and American cheese.

The Guru assumes a contrarian viewpoint on a few longstanding burger "rules."

I won't deny a page-view to my friends at the Washingtonian, so I'll hit on a few of the key points:

1. Use cheap beef. Chuck is fine.

2. Do not season your burgers early on with salt and pepper.

3. Cook on a cast-iron skillet, not a grill.

The article does not address patty thickness, heat, or time. (The Washingtonian's accompanying photo is a generic burger from Shutterstock.)

I built a test batch of burgers about three-quarters of an inch thick, and I cooked with a fairly high flame, based on Kliman's use of the word "sear."

The results? Sublime: Juicy with a meaty heartiness. Click here, print it out, and go to work.