Joe Sixpack: Beer, parties & pants: It's the holidays!

THE HOLIDAY entertaining season is upon us. I know this because Mrs. Sixpack has decreed that, for the next six weeks, I must wear pants after 5 p.m.

Ah, it was so much easier when I was young and single, when all we needed for a great party was a fridge full of beer and loud music. Of course, back then we were gulping Rolling Rock straight from the bottle, and no one seemed to mind my boxer shorts.

These days? Well, let's just say that gourmet beer - and a pair of trousers - can turn any party into a classy holiday affair.

Here are a few tips I've learned along the way.

Serving a single brand of beer at a party is like playing the same music over and over again. Your guests might make it through one song from Celine Dion, but more than that and they'll be taking an ice pick to their eardrums.

Same goes for that case of cheap, fizzy, yellow lager.

Stock up a variety of styles - a full-bodied lager, a hoppy pale ale, a rich-flavored porter - something for everyone. This time of year, try spicy Christmas beers and winter warmers

A Jeroboam (3 liter) bottle is a sure way to kick-start a party.

Royersford's Sly Fox Brewery & Restaurant has a few remaining hand-numbered monsters of Renard d'Or Belgian golden ale.

Head to the Foodery (2nd and Poplar, Northern Liberties) for oversize bottles of Troeg's Mad Elf (Harrisburg) or Belgium's Chouffe, Chimay and Corsendonk Christmas Ale. A mere two hundred bucks will get you a 6-liter Methuselah of Duvel (Belgium).

Or check out the new Hawthornes Café (11th & Fitzwater, Bella Vista) and fill up your growler (half-gallon) with more than a dozen varieties of draft beer from Nodding Head (Philadelphia), Cigar City (Florida), Russian River (California) and more.

Plastic cups are fine for parties on the patio, but with the proper glassware, your beer will taste better and your guests will feel special.

Pilsner goes into tall, slim glasses that show off the brilliant golden color and allow enough space for the head. Aromatic British ales go into wide-mouth pint glasses. Belgians prefer either a chalice or a tulip glass.

Pouring a mix of beer styles? Use midsize white wine glasses and fill them with just 6 ounces per pour. The smaller servings cut down on consumption and allow your guests to sample a wider variety of flavors.

H2O cleans the palate and slows down the drinking pace. Swish some into a used glass to clean out dregs, then pour the remains into the dump bucket.

Which reminds me: Put a dump bucket on the table.

Not for spitting, of course, but for "drain-pours" - brews that are past their prime, infected or otherwise undrinkable.

I have no room for recipes here, so I advise you instead to pick up Streeter F. McClure's "The Single Man's Guide to Cooking with Beer" (SMG Publishing, $22.95). It's packed with easy recipes, many of which, McClure proudly reveals, were perfected after "several drinks in."

Too lazy to cook? Arrange a tray with the following:

_ Soft pretzels. They suck up the beer and fill the belly.

_ Dried fruit. Dried apricots pair perfectly with barleywine.

_ Chocolate. Hershey kisses in red and green foil brighten the tray and pair with stout.

I suppose that if you aim to be the perfect host, you might compromise your principles, scrape up some palatable juice for inveterate grape sippers and try not to scowl while they turn their noses up at your world-class beer selection.

But first, gently offer them a beer.

Red-wine drinkers may enjoy a full-bodied stout (coffee-flavored Péché Mortel from Canada) or winter warmer (Old Jubilation from Colorado).

The white-wine set may go for a Belgian tripel (Allagash from Maine) or a hybrid, like Dogfish Head Midas Touch (Delaware), made with grapes.

And white-zinfandel drinkers?

Grab an ice pick - they're the ones cranking up Celine Dion.

"Joe Sixpack" by Don Russell appears weekly in Big Fat Friday. For more on the beer scene in Philly and beyond, visit www.joesixpack.net. Send e-mail to joesixpack@phillynews.com.