Clinton or Obama? Women struggle

Terry Heyman, a 41-year-old fashion designer from West Chester, is almost hoping that today's Democratic primaries relieve her of the burden of making a decision on April 22.

Six months ago, she was wholeheartedly behind Hillary Rodham Clinton. But slowly, reluctantly, Heyman has been losing faith. Like many middle-aged women who have waited a lifetime to vote for a woman for president, she is torn.

"My sister and I had been talking for months. Obama or Hillary? Obama or Hillary?" says Heyman. Her sister, who lives in Connecticut, voted in the primary there for Clinton.

But as Clinton lost ground and Barack Obama soared, Heyman and her friends began struggling with their allegiances.

On Friday, she went to the Richard Nicholas hair salon in Center City to cover her gray and talked with her stylist about the struggle.

The wife of a businessman and mother of 6½-year-old twins, Heyman sent Clinton $100 last summer, her first political contribution.

"She seemed sincere," Heyman says. She liked Clinton's positions on issues and her health-care proposal.

Heyman's stylist, Danielle George, is 31 and lives in Northern Liberties with her boyfriend. She's an independent thinker with liberal leanings. Politics often comes up with her clients. Many older women are ping-ponging, she says, debating whether they should continue to support Clinton.

She hears them talk about dueling op-ed pieces by Gloria Steinem and the New York Times columnist Frank Rich. Hears them say that Clinton's a victim of sexism. Or that they want a woman, but not this woman. And wonder: If not someone of her caliber and experience, what woman on Earth?

George doesn't get it. She's certain that one day a woman will be president. But she's just as happy to see an African American man in the lead.

Heyman tries to explain. She tells George about a T-shirt she designed with the feminist fist on the front.

"I couldn't give them away," Heyman says. "I couldn't believe how many people had no clue what it stood for."

In the 1970s, Heyman's mother marched for women's rights. Since then, feminism seems to have become a dirty word or an anachronism.

But if the cause is really passe, why do so many men view Hillary Clinton unfavorably?

Recent polls show that they do. And that women who believe they have lived through years of flagrant sexism are more invested in a Clinton win.

"The notion of a woman president is still a real and visceral symbol of progress," says Kathleen Dolan, a professor who specializes in women in politics at the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee. At 44, she says, "I fully believe it's just not going to happen in my lifetime."

Part of the problem, Dolan says, may be unrealistic expectations. "Sen. Clinton is not a perfect person. She is a politician. She comes in a different flavor because she has two X chromosomes. That makes her unique, but not so unique that she's a completely different animal."

And women, Dolan says, are held to a higher standard. A woman with as little political experience as Obama has could not hope to be a viable presidential contender.

It's not as if biology is an impediment. England, Israel, Pakistan and India all have been led by women, and women now lead Chile and Argentina. Half of law- and medical-school grads each year are now women, as are a third of M.B.A.s.

Along comes Clinton. In the minuscule subset of those with the will, intelligence, ego, courage and stamina to handle the presidency, how doesn't she qualify?

Heyman says her 75-year-old mother backs Clinton all the way. As one of only two or three women out of 500 students in her medical-school class, she can't imagine voting any other way.

George finishes painting Heyman's hair with color goop and sets the heat lamps.

"I've been for Obama since the beginning," George says. "He has such charisma and he speaks the truth."

She was only 7 in 1984 when Geraldine Ferraro ran for vice president. Now, 24 years have passed.

Heyman wishes Clinton hadn't messed up, withheld tax records, or hinted about changing the rules for delegates from Florida.

"She is just so insincere," George says. "How she handled the Monica Lewinsky situation. . . . Stand by him, but..."

At one point they marvel at how much they're in sync, despite their age difference.

"I think there are certain professions where it's totally a boys' club," says George.

Heyman agrees. They talk about racism vs. sexism. George often overhears bigoted remarks. Heyman says that where she lives, remnants of 1950s attitudes persist. Admiration, for instance, to see a husband doing laundry.

George laughs. "No way it would even happen that my boyfriend didn't do laundry."

Heyman wonders if the time just isn't right for a woman. "She's too hard, she's too soft. She's crying, she's too calculating. In a way, she can't win."

"I could be naive, but I don't think she's losing because she's a woman," says George.

Heyman moves to the shampoo station. As the dye washes down the drain, they try to think of other women who could run. Condoleezza Rice? Nancy Pelosi?

They run out of names.

"When Hillary first started campaigning, she reminded me of your stern, strict grandmother who could keep you in line," says Heyman. "But then she seemed like she was always yelling. ... She really rubs people the wrong way."

George dries Heyman's hair. Heyman gives her a tip.

That night, she speaks to her mother, who still practices medicine.

"She said, 'What do you mean, you're not supporting Hillary?' She was something between horrified and surprised. Then I really started feeling guilty."

She sighs.

"Maybe in April, we won't have to make that decision."

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