The Braves’ mascot Blooper, a ‘sentient pair of Dockers,’ came for the Phanatic. Philly fought back.

Blooper, the Atlanta Braves mascot whose name literally means an embarrassing public blunder, tried to pick a fight with the Phanatic on social media Friday and learned the hard way that when you come for Phillies fans, you end up on the cutting room floor.

Sure, a blooper is also a type of pitch or hit in baseball, but given that Blooper can’t pitch a good burn and takes hits like a whiny baby, those definitions obviously don’t apply to him.

The drama began on Friday, the day before the Phillies first NLDS game against the Braves, when Blooper posted on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter: “one more day” and Eric Fink, host of the City Pigeons podcast about Philly fandom, wrote: “til your death.”

Blooper quote-tweeted Fink, and posted: “my favorite thing about Philly fans is how well adjusted they are, probably the most even keel fanbase out there.”

Things quickly went downhill for Blooper. He began grasping at straws, saying that the Phanatic’s “last highlight was recorded with a flash bulb” and that the only reason he’s famous is “because he’s old.”

Phillies fans immediately piled on Blooper, likening the “milquetoast mascot” to everything from dirty carpeting and belly button lint, to a human thumb and “a sentient pair of Dockers slacks.”

If, like many Phillies fans, you’re just learning about Blooper, he is a mouthless beige nightmare that looks like a pair of crusty khakis with red hair and Shrek ears. Out of each ear pops a red tongue (ew) that are a complete rip-off of the Phanatic’s protruding tongue.

Phillies fans were quick to call Blooper a cheap dollar store rip-off and a “Great Value Phanatic.” Some even pointed out that Blooper’s own hometown newspaper, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, said he “resembled a more-tamed version of the Phillie Phanatic” when he debuted in 2018.

Speaking of debuting in 2018, we had a mascot do that too — Gritty — but ours actually became famous and is now a household name. Some on Twitter called on Gritty to back up his friend the Phanatic in this ridiculous online tussle, but so far Gritty has remained mum.

What Blooper didn’t understand about Philly is that we’re not just a sports town, we’re a mascot city. Here, in this land of dreams and nightmares (dreams for us, nightmares for our opponents), our mascots are bona fide celebrities and certified citizens.

They are not just a representation of us, they are us — our id incarnate — and we will fight for their honor as much as we’d fight for Bryce Harper’s (speaking of Harper, Blooper once tried to trick him into signing over his $330 million contract, because Blooper is a shady freeloader).

Our mascots are so beloved that in June, the Phanatic and his fellow mascots helped reopen I-95 after its collapse, by riding across it on a firetruck. Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure the only thing Blooper has ever opened up is a can of worms.

On Saturday morning, Blooper tweeted that he was getting ready for the NLDS by “rereading Frank Herbert’s Dune so I can better understand the dangers of Phanaticism.”

As one Phillies fan pointed out, he’ll “have plenty of time to read next week.” Another photoshopped the Phanatic’s snout to look like a giant sand worm, ready to consume all (but especially, the Braves).

Given that Blooper doesn’t have a mouth, it’s amazing how much he’s run it lately. But after his team failed to score any runs on Saturday, he’s been pretty quiet when it comes to the Phillies.

He found out the hard way that when you come at the king, you best not miss. And the Phanatic is — and always will be — the king.

Go Phils.