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Jason Kelce is ‘Fat Batman,’ despite what Darius Slay says

Just remember — no Robins. The Eagles have no sidekicks.

Rob Tornoe / staff

The Philadelphia Eagles are quickly looking like the rack at your local comic book store.

Thanks to cornerback Darius Slay, an ever-increasing number of players have now been welcomed to the Batman family, thankfully avoiding Bruce Wayne’s gruesome path to the cape and cowl.

“No Robins. We’ve got no sidekicks. ... We’ve got nothing but Batmans,” Slay told reporters following the Eagles Week 1 win against the Detroit Lions. “Those boys fly. Let it fly.”

To recap, there are three different Batmans (Batmen?) ready to suit up on Sunday:

  1. Swole Batman: Receiver A.J. Brown

  2. Skinny Batman: Receiver DeVonta Smith

  3. Fast Batman: Receiver Quez Watkins

Enter veteran center and team captain Jason Kelce, who said last week on the podcast he hosts with his brother, Kansas City Chiefs tight end Travis Kelce, that he loves the Gotham City invasion of Philadelphia and wants a part of the cape.

“Listen, if we score on a screen I’m getting that cape and I’m being Fat Batman. I promise you that,” Kelce said. “That is gonna happen. The next screen we score on Fat Batman is gonna be on the sideline.”

So is Kelce now officially the Heft Knight? Not according to Slay, who has a different moniker in mind.

“I told you he’s not the Fat Batman because, honestly, I’m first sexiest on the team, [Kelce] the second sexiest, then Lane [Johnson] is the third sexiest,” Slay told reporters. “You ever see an O-line that sexy? That boy is sexy.”

As a cartoonist, I like the idea of Kelce being Fat Batman way more than some sexy version of the Caped Crusader. But at this point, we might as well just call him Captain Philadelphia for how well he’s able to relate to the city’s notoriously hard-to-please fans.

“Philly’s going to be much more critical about who you are and what your values are,” Kelce told Inquirer columnist Mike Sielski over the summer as he was tending bar down the Shore. “But you show up, and you try to be honest. You show up, and you try to be accountable. You show up, and you try to work your hardest. All these things are going to be well-respected in Philadelphia and across the league. I just think Philadelphia embraces it that much more.”

Eagles assemble ... right behind Fat Batman.

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