A sober guide to navigating the holidays by Philly experts

For Jacqueline Lemonick, the holidays can be a balancing act.

The server at Cry Baby Pasta in Queen Village celebrated eight years of sobriety this month. She recalls having to answer many questions during the first few years of her recovery journey. Loved ones asking if they could have a glass of wine or a cocktail in her presence felt alienating.

“People who don’t drink, especially those in recovery, just want to be treated like people [and] for people to trust that we are autonomous and have the ability to say no to situations that make us uncomfortable,” Lemonick said.

Family functions are among the hardest occasions to set boundaries, especially during this season, according to Amanda White, a local therapist and founder of the Therapy for Women Center. Holiday traditions with alcohol involved can make things particularly challenging and isolating for people trying to set boundaries for an alcohol-free lifestyle.

“It brings up a lot and makes people feel disconnected and overwhelmed,” said White, author of Not Drinking Tonight, a book and workbook for navigating a sober lifestyle. “Maybe they were really empowered by their choice not to drink, and now they’re leaving this event feeling badly. It can be really disorienting for people.”

In a city teeming with holiday bars offering festive drinks, navigating the season of Santa-themed spiked hot cocoas and peppermint martinis can be hard for nondrinking Philadelphians. But there are ways to make it through, say local experts and hospitality folks dedicated to making the holidays inclusive for everyone.

For Lemonick, Philly’s ever-growing sober-curious scene has helped her prioritize an alcohol-free lifestyle. With the normalization of sober living over the past few years, she’s able to enjoy holiday beverages that work for her. She said it’s been “incredibly valuable” having nonalcoholic alternatives available at local bars, restaurants, and stores.

“There are a million reasons why people don’t drink,” Lemonick said. “So there’s no reason why [everyone] shouldn’t be able to have the experience of having a drink that’s thoughtful, well-put together, and reflective of whatever the restaurants are trying to do in terms of the holidays.”

Over at Bloomsday Cafe in Headhouse Square, beverage director D’Onna Stubblefield pays attention to how diners are drinking to ensure they feel included. She makes sure her team knows how to read the table and is prepared with an arsenal of nonalcoholic products in the restaurant. “People are paying money to feel good and I refuse to let alcohol be the thing that makes somebody feel alienated,” she said.

Stubblefield’s tip to diners: Don’t be afraid to smack hospitality folks in the face with your sobriety.

“[Being sober is] a beautiful thing, especially in this society where a lot of our social interactions as adults and a lot of our holidays are centered around drinking,” she said.

Put your needs first, Lemonick emphasized. There’s no shame in protecting yourself from situations you aren’t comfortable in whether you’re at a restaurant or at the office Christmas party.

It’s OK to bring your own drink to sip on (Lemonick’s favorite is Martinelli’s apple cider) or decline an invite to an event. “Give yourself permission to create new traditions centered around you, your safety, and your comfort,” she said.

Gabriel Guerrero suggests going to a neighborhood bar with a comfortable atmosphere rather than overcrowded holiday-themed bars.

The local DJ and Post Haste’s director of operations said community-oriented bars offer a fun environment “that isn’t necessarily catering toward big drinking energy.” Every Sunday, Guerrero brings his personal record library to the East Kensington cocktail bar to play Billie Holiday and jazz hits for a relaxed holiday vibe.

Finding restaurants and bars with nonalcoholic beverages listed on menus will help prevent awkward conversations for those who dread asking for alcohol-free options, White said. Guerrero and co-owner Fred Beebe opened Post Haste with four categories on the bar menu, including spirit-free drinks, to make options accessible for all guests.

“We’re a cocktail bar, but we wanted it to be [more than just] a couple of things that you can get if you didn’t drink alcohol,” he said. “[Nonalcoholic beverages] are not an afterthought; they’re just as intensive in terms of development.”

Don’t hesitate to share your specific tastes, Guerrero added. Most beverage directors, like Beebe and Stubblefield, love getting experimental and creative for guests.

“I want to feel cute when I go out, and I want to make people feel cute, whether you’re drinking or not,” Stubblefield said.

White also recommends opening up about your sobriety before the event rather than waiting till the day of, refraining from saying yes to every event, and arriving late or leaving early when needed.

“Think about your five senses — is the party overstimulating for you? Find ways you can take care of yourself before and after,” she said.

If partying is not the vibe, Lemonick encourages taking time and space for yourself to be honest when things aren’t OK.

“The reality is this time of year is difficult for a lot of people — personally, I experience a lot of pressure to be happy, joyous, celebratory and it’s just not the case for everyone,” Lemonick said. “I think it’s OK to acknowledge that and to create new spaces, even if they’re within those [familiar] spaces, where you can have fun and celebrate in a way that’s comfortable for you.”