Do I make up an excuse or tell the truth to get out of a Shore house plan?

This week’s question (Have your own? Email us.):

We had talked to a family, let’s call them the Beechers, about sharing a big Shore house for a week. We get along great with the parents and our kids are friends. The Beechers mentioned this plan to another family we’re sort-of friends with, let’s call them the Smiths, and apparently sort-of invited them. We really get along with the Smith mother and their kids are great but... we do not get along with the dad who says whatever pops into his head and yells at his kids constantly for the smallest things. We’re not going to do it, we know that. The question is... do we tell the Beechers why or do we make up a “we decided to get a house on our own because maybe the grandparents are coming” type of excuse? — Barry unShore

Amy Rosenberg, Life & Culture Reporter

So, my first thought was this would be simpler if the Shore house were owned by the Beechers and they had invited you. In which case I would advise definitely coming up with an excuse and hope for another invite later in the summer.

Mike Newall, Life & Culture Reporter

Let me break out my little chart here:

The unShores, the Beechers, Smiths.

As a person who regularly says the first thing that pops in my mind, I had a sand grain of sympathy for Mr. Smith.

But yelling at kids for littlest things. Yes, he’s out.

Amy Rosenberg

Ha. yes. I’m a little torn about the situation, because a large Shore house is an experience, and your kids might benefit from being in the house, even with Daddy Smith. In fact, they might learn they love their family best of all!

Mike Newall

I really respect that point, Amy. Growing up by the beach in Queens, I’d sit on the porch with my grandfather, who was a lovely dignified man, as he’d chat in his Irish brogue with our next door neighbor, Mr. Broady, also a gentlemen. Mr. Broady, I should mention, would be shirtless on a mattress he pulled outside, swilling bud cans. He added charm to our beach experience.

But Mr. Smith seems to lack that sort of charm and erudition. So what to do, Barry unShore?

Amy Rosenberg

I also feel like vacations with other families are something to be treasured, and it’s not always easy to find a great fit, so in this case, maybe it’s best to be upfront with the Beechers, and hope they really want to keep up the shared vacations with you.

On the other hand, they might not choose you.

(Or, they might also be relying on your share of the rent.)

Mike Newall

I tend to think in all things, even beach things, honesty is the best policy.

Shore houses are expensive. Time is precious.

Amy Rosenberg

Just the fact that Barry unShore can afford a house on his own makes me think, maybe he doesn’t really want to vacation with the Beechers?

Mike Newall

Yes, exactly, Amy. Are you the problem, Barry?

Amy Rosenberg

But also, maybe it’s the Beechers that committed the first faux pas. Going rogue and mentioning the plan to the Smiths, of all families.

I admit that I don’t always love when people I make plans with start enlarging the circle. Not everyone is a more the merrier type. I wish I were to be honest!

Mike Newall

I like lakes. Far away lakes.

Amy Rosenberg

Right. It’s hard to “go on your own” at the Jersey shore. I feel like it’s hard to predict how the Beechers will react to Barry unShore getting all, I’ve got my own beach house. Is the shared rent not an issue? Maybe the Smiths were included to further cut down on expenses?

I guess, like you said, it might be best to share the true misgivings and see where that goes.

I’d take the Beechers to dinner and start with this line from his message to us: “We get along great with the [you guys] and our kids are friends.” That is special, and we want to start a long tradition with you.

Mike Newall

Yeah, Barry unShore. Stop adding to the summer drama and be brave: Tell Mr. Smith your wife can’t stand Mrs. Smith.

Amy Rosenberg

Oh, another route. Confront the Smiths!

Mike Newall

But seriously, summer rentals are supposed to be fun and crazy and uncomfortable. In the summer, we’d literally pack up our belongings in wagons and move from rental to rental every month. We didn’t expect luxury and ease. We expected mayhem and we loved it.

Amy Rosenberg

Yes, I agree! As a kid, my family used to rent ski houses with two other families, and there were some big personalities, but they are such great memories!

I think Barry needs to take this one for the team. Maybe Mr. Smith will surprise you? Maybe he’s… fun on vacation?

I wonder how his kids feel about Mr. Smith. Would they also not want to be on vacation with him, or would they totally not get why they’re not in the big house.

Mike Newall

I’m getting out the chart. Final tally:

Amy Rosenberg

Perfect. Especially the last part. Really lean into how much you love the Beechers, and this will be the beginning of a fantastic annual adventure.