My neighbor's fertilizer smells awful. What can I do?

This week’s question (Have your own? Email us.):

My neighbor is starting to plant her mini-garden in front of her rowhome. It’s always very lovely with plenty of flowers and tomatoes. But, this year she’s using fertilizer that smells like BLEEP. Every time I leave the house I get a huge whiff of it. I fear for the smell when the weather is warmer. What can I say?

Elizabeth Wellington

I think you have to tell her the truth. Don’t beat around the bushes — pun intended — your fertilizer smells. We need another option.

What do you think?

Mike Newall

This one strikes a chord.

Gardening can become an all-consuming hobby, I know this first hand. The summer my son was born I planted so many buckets of plants on my concrete South Philly backyard, that the little old Italian ladies on my block would come to see MY garden.

By the time my son was born, it literally looked like the “Frog and Toad” back there. But I never ever once used… poop soil!

Elizabeth Wellington

Haha Exactly. And what would you have done if your neighbors called you out for stinky soil?

Mike Newall

It’s a clear violation of rowhouse rules. Don’t put your trash out early. Keep your sidewalk freshly watered. Don’t smoke out the old folks on BBQ days. Don’t use poop soil!

I would never use it because I’d never want it myself.

Elizabeth Wellington

What if the person doesn’t realize it? Maybe they are nose blind? Maybe this fertilizer is extra special? I mean I’d still tell them, but maybe they don’t know they are in violation.

Mike Newall

Ah, they know. They’re caught up in the throes of their little garden. I’ve been there. I once seriously asked a gardening mentor: “Do plants have feelings?”

It’s a rowhouse. We’re dealing with tomatoes and petunias. Not this year’s harvest. Lose the manure man.

I have all the sympathy for the plant lover. I feel their passion. But it’s just not necessary and not cool to the neighbor.

Elizabeth Wellington

Haha. In your opinion the stakes — meaning your olfactory senses, not the sticks holding up the tomatoes — are too high.

Maybe the smell will go away, but what do you do if they keep putting it down?

Mike Newall

Be honest.

Elizabeth Wellington

I agree. Come right out and say it. But have some compassion. I mean, there is no reason to come out guns blazing because they use smelly manure.

Mike Newall

Try something like, “Hey Tommy, your tomatoes look lovely, but smell like Bleep.”

Elizabeth Wellington

The problem is that if you put manure down once every six weeks during growing season as recommended, the smell can linger.

Mike Newall

Yeah, it lingers.

The other thing is you don’t want neighbors catching on to the manure. Rowhouse gardening gets competitive. Everyone looking for an edge. Gotta stomp this out. Nip it in the bud.

Elizabeth Wellington

I bet the other neighbors realize it to and someone is just waiting for someone to mention it.

So, it’s simple then. Keep it real, Philly style. “I like your garden. But do something about that bleepity, bleep manure.”

Or, it’s on like popcorn.