Flies shut down one of Philly’s ‘fancy’ airport lounges | Weekly Report Card

Well, here we go. The Phillies wanted the bye, and now the prize is the $476 million Death Star from L.A.

Shohei Ohtani, Mookie Betts, Freddie Freeman — the Dodgers’ payroll has more commas than a Comcast bill. Oddsmakers say the Phils are underdogs, and they’re right.

And that’s a good thing. This city was built for the underdog role. Remember 2022? Nobody thought they’d take down the Braves. And honestly, we all figured the Schwarbombs-and-duct-tape routine would’ve fallen apart by now. But somehow, that’s still the formula — and somehow, it’s still working.

Do we hate the matchup? Absolutely. Do we doubt the Phillies? Never. The Dodgers might look like the Empire, but Philly has made a whole brand out of finding the exhaust port.

For four years, Cantina La Martina was proof that fine dining didn’t have to live in Center City or Fishtown. James Beard nods, barbacoa pits in the back, a cemita fest that could rival any food truck roundup — Chef Dio brought the best of Puebla to the corner of D Street and Kensington Ave.

But here’s the thing: even the most thrilling flavors in the city can’t compete with the reality of doing business in Kensington. Vendors bailed, safety was an issue, the lease was unsustainable. It’s a loss, no doubt, but not a shock. The suburbs are getting Dio’s cooking now, with outposts in Ambler, Jenkintown, and Cheltenham on the way.

Still, for the families in Kensington who could finally walk to a James Beard–nominated meal, this one stings. Philly hype met Philly reality. And in this case, the reality won.

This summer, more than half of Philly’s libraries closed for nearly 4,000 hours because the A/C gave out. Cooling centers that couldn’t cool, chess clubs canceled, kids missing summer reading — all because the branches turned into greenhouses.

Yes, the city says new HVAC systems are coming. But summers are only getting hotter, and libraries can’t be safe havens if they melt every June. Patrons deserve places to gather, not sweat it out next to a broken box fan. Philly doesn’t need another “Closed due to A/C issues” sign; it needs libraries that actually work when you need them most.

The Eagles are 4-0, but leave it to Philly to pair undefeated football with cryptic Bible verses. After the win, A.J. Brown posted: “If you’re not welcomed, not listened to, quietly withdraw. Don’t make a scene. Shrug your shoulders and be on your way.” It read like, “I’m not being heard,” and by midweek he was at the podium insisting it wasn’t about Jalen, Sirianni, or Howie, just frustration.

Jason Kelce gets it. He said Brown should be mad he’s not getting the ball, just maybe not tweeting about it. And he’s right — A.J. isn’t wrong to want the rock, he’s one of the best weapons on the roster. But in this town, a wideout subtweeting after a win is blood in the water.

Bottom line: Philly loves its drama almost as much as its W’s. Brown says he’s happy here, the locker room says it’s fine, and maybe that’s true. But drop a game, and suddenly it’s not just Bible verses… it’s talk-radio canon fodder.

Let’s get one thing straight: you can’t make a Philly Taco in Connecticut. But that didn’t stop Natasha Bedingfield from trying. On TikTok this week, the Unwritten singer attempted to create a Connecticut version of the infamous South Street monstrosity — originally a Lorenzo’s slice wrapped around a Jim’s cheesesteak — and even dropped the line, “We’re gonna assemble this jawn.” Respect for knowing the lingo, even if hearing it in a British accent is … a little cringe.

Her verdict? “I’m thinking it’s going to be better in Philly.” No kidding.

She’ll be here soon for a South Street show, so maybe she’ll get the real deal. Until then, that creation she posted online? Cute, but it doesn’t count.

Only in Philly: we decapitate a hitchhiking robot, go viral for it, and 10 years later throw a party in its honor. Elfreth’s Alley Museum hosted a First Friday “Rust in Peace” bash for hitchBOT, the pool noodle–limbed bucket that survived Canada and Europe but couldn’t last two weeks here.

Organizers pitched it like a proper Philly sendoff — free beer from Human Robot, DIY hitchBOT kits, even robot tattoos and a message from its Canadian creators. They’re hoping it becomes a yearly tradition, our own Punxsutawney Phil, except instead of predicting spring, it just predicts whether Philly will ruin nice things.

Was it cruel? Yeah. Was it inevitable? Also yeah. But this is Philly: we’ll throw a party for literally anything, especially if we broke it first.

Back in July, Kiki Aranita made the case that Philly’s airport is better than people give it credit for — killer food, a legit art program, and lounges so fancy you can get a free facial before your flight. Then this week happened.

United’s Club Lounge in Terminal C got shut down by the Health Department for what inspectors politely called a “fly infestation.” Also: no hot water in the food prep sink, busted soap dispensers, and not a single certified food-safety employee on shift. For $750 a year (or 94,000 miles), that’s less “exclusive oasis,” more “BYO fly swatter.”

United tried to make it up to members with a $25 voucher — which at PHL is basically two pretzels and a bottle of water.

So yeah, Kiki’s right: PHL is great, actually. It just also happens to be the only airport where you can get a spa facial in one terminal and a health code violation in the next.