his week’s question (Have your own? Submit it here.):
My fifth grader wants to take Regional Rail back from his downtown magnet school by himself. He’s done a few weeks with an adult so he knows the route, and I can track him on my phone. But he doesn’t have any buddies to walk back with. Is this crazy, or will it help foster independence?
Amy Rosenberg, Life & Culture reporter
I want this to be OK, but my first thought is maybe fifth grade is a little too young?
Elizabeth Wellington, features columnist
I think you might be right, Amy. I mean, when I was 10 — and that was 100 years ago — I took the bus by myself. But the train was a different animal completely. There are a lot of ways for them to get lost, and missing a stop is a long walk, rather than a few blocks. You know?
Amy Rosenberg
It also depends on the child. Some are more ready than others. A group of fifth graders, or maybe two of them together, might work? Not sure about the walk home from the stop either. I walked to and from school for lunch as a fifth grader and that seemed fine, but it was also a long time ago.
Elizabeth Wellington
I walked to and from school by myself when I was in the fifth grade. I demanded it because I had a crush on a boy, but that’s another story.
Now, I’d be afraid to let my fifth grader walk to the end of the block by themselves. Then again, I wouldn’t want to foster sense of fear for the city in my fifth grader either.
Amy Rosenberg
I used to walk home and read the newspaper that was in the driveway and eat my lunch out of a bag (not every day!). My girls had a lot of freedom as kids, but still, as fifth graders they were not traveling around by themselves.
Maybe this person hires someone to meet the child at the train station? I’d definitely try to find another student making that same trip. Maybe there’s an older student that could be a buddy.
Elizabeth Wellington
That’s a great idea. I think the fifth grader wants to feel independent around friends, and there are always friends to travel from school to the train with. If someone is waiting for them when they get home then the parent can know the child made it home safely and the 10-year-old can still feel cared for. Because sometimes when you’re 10 — and even when you are 50 — you need to know someone is there for you when you get home.
When the 10-year-old becomes a 12-year-old or maybe even 13, then they can travel by themselves confidently. Even today, as Gen X’s latchkey-kid generation, I’m not sure nine- and 10-year-olds coming home by themselves from school was the safest thing.
Amy Rosenberg
I agree. There’s a lot of maturing that happens between 10 and 12. I think kids should move around the city confidently and be able to ride public trains by themselves, but the sweet spot age seems a little bit older than fifth grade. Especially the start of fifth grade.
I also think the parent would worry, and be constantly tracking, or even on the phone with the child, and that’s hardly independence. That’s just anxiety.
Elizabeth Wellington
And independence for one person should never translate to anxiety for a loved one.
Amy Rosenberg
I had an afterschool babysitter one year who famously drove into our garage door with my girls in the backseat, at around fifth grade. Luckily, only damage to the garage door. So danger everywhere!
Elizabeth Wellington
Yeah, and I fear a 10-year-old kid walking to and from school by themselves, even with a cell phone, might be a danger magnet.
I’m getting nervous just thinking about it.
Amy Rosenberg
I have recently done a bit of traveling on Regional Rail, and I didn’t see anyone that young. And those stations are big. It’s nice to want independence for your kids, but this seems like a big step. I would definitely wait, or try to find a traveling buddy.
I also bet other parents at the school have a big range of travel strategies and opinions about age and independence.
So, look for smaller ways to foster independence at this age.
Elizabeth Wellington
And explain it to them in a way that doesn’t say you don’t trust them, but that it’s a good idea to wait a few years.
Amy Rosenberg
Yeah, lean into finding a buddy or two. I traveled on trains to school with buddies beginning at around 14 and those were great memories.
Elizabeth Wellington
I think it’s important that the child knows that it’s not that you don’t trust them. ... Just it’s not their season yet to be taking public transportation alone.
