How do I trim my neighbor's tree without starting another feud?

This week’s question is... My neighbor and I don’t get along. A tree from her yard is starting to brush up against my house. I know I’m allowed to trim it, but how do I go about doing it without starting another feud?

Elizabeth Wellington, Features Columnist

Start with asking her. Politely, of course.

Abigail Covington, Life & Culture Reporter

But what if she says you can’t? As a non-confrontational person, I would simply melt.

Elizabeth Wellington

I would melt, too. But she can’t tell me that I can’t. Right? Because it is on my property. If she says that I can’t, I guess it’s time to play hard ball. I’d have to break out the law that says, “I can.”

Abigail Covington

Evidently, under Pennsylvania law, you can trim any part of a neighbor’s tree or shrub that crosses your property line. But you must stay on your side of the property line and trimming must not kill the tree or bush, or you could be liable for damages.

Evan Weiss, Deputy Features Editor

So are you asking the neighbor or telling?

Elizabeth Wellington

I’d start by asking if they minded. And then I’d have to tell them what’s happening as nicely as I could, of course.

Abigail Covington

Would you ask them to trim it or would you offer to do it for them?

Elizabeth Wellington

So maybe we ask them if they can trim their tree back first. And if they say no, then perhaps we offer to do it for them?

Evan Weiss

And if they say they don’t want it either way, you just do it anyway, right?

Elizabeth Wellington

I guess so. But also I need to know how much this foliage is disrupting my life. Like, is it messing up my view? Is it ruining my swimming pool activity? Are me and my kids brushing up against it and it’s scratching me? Or is this just a run-of-the-mill aesthetic thing?

I would need to weigh these things and then figure or not whether it’s worth raising heck. Having an angry neighbor can ruin a homeowning experience. But if Pennsylvania law is on my side and this is really working my nerves, I’ll just have to snip, snip, snip.

Abigail Covington

I’m with you. Having an actively angry neighbor is more unpleasant than a tree branch dangling in your yard. At some point, the city will step in if it gets to be too much.

But if it’s really bothering you, the law is on your side.

Elizabeth Wellington

The question is, do we do the hacking in the middle of the night? Or boldly in broad open daylight?

Abigail Covington

Dressed in all black. Middle of the night. Like it never happened. Repeat after me: You were never there.

Elizabeth Wellington

Hahaha. You mean like, “Oops... How did this ever happen?”

Evan Weiss

“Wow, I can’t believe someone did that! I loved that tree!”

Elizabeth Wellington

Hahaha. Right.

That’s kind of taking a punk’s way out. We should say it with our chest. (Sheepishly...)

Abigail Covington

100%. “Must’ve been that darn barn owl I’ve seen flying around here!”

Elizabeth Wellington

An owl, Abigail? Really.

Go with a raccoon. Blame everything on raccoons.

Evan Weiss

Start by being straightforward.

“This tree is hitting my house and I don’t like it because of XYZ, so I’m going to trim it. Thank you for understanding.”

Abigail Covington

“Thank you for understanding” is what you say when you know someone is mad, but you don’t want them to be mad. I get it.

Elizabeth Wellington

Would bringing a tiny gift make things better? Like a bottle of wine, a gift card to Starbucks? Sweeten the deal. Let them know it’s not personal?

Abigail Covington

Tiny little treats make everything better. Something for their garden? A small plant?

Evan Weiss

A bouquet of freshly-cut branches.

Abigail Covington

Hahahaha.

“Thank you for understanding.”

Elizabeth Wellington

Now, Evan. You are cruising for a bruising.

Evan Weiss

I kid, I kid.

I don’t think a gift is necessary, but it wouldn’t hurt if that eases the asker’s anxiety.

Elizabeth Wellington

It’s kind of like you have to ask them, and already know what you plan to do anyway.

Evan Weiss

Any last words of advice for the asker?

Elizabeth Wellington

Be sheepish on the outside. But know what you are going to do on the inside. It’s easy to be swayed in these situations. Stand your ground. With a gift.

Abigail Covington

Be polite but bold. You got this.

Have a question of your own about a relationship? Philly life? Annoying neighbors? Or an opinion? Email me.