The Penn vs. Penn State mix-up, cheesesteak diplomacy, and a very good boy | Weekly Report Card

Philadelphia is once again trying to convince a room full of national political operatives that we are the perfect place to host their giant televised event.

The pitch is familiar: plenty of hotel rooms, an arena in South Philly, SEPTA ready to move thousands of delegates around, and a city that knows how to handle the logistical chaos of a major convention. We did it in 2016, after all. And these days, we’re basically hosting everything. World Cup matches. The MLB All-Star Game. The country’s 250th birthday.

But the real strategy is the soft sell. When the selection committee visits, they’ll get the full Philly treatment: Reading Terminal, skyline views, maybe a rooftop party, definitely a cheesesteak.

And that’s not a guess. That was pretty much the marketing strategy when DNC officials toured Philly ahead of the 2016 convention.

Because every big event bid in this city eventually comes down to the same argument: Look how fun we are.

And clearly, it’s been working.

Johan Rojas potentially missing 80 games for a failed PED test is frustrating for the Phillies in a specific way: They don’t really have another center fielder.

Rojas isn’t exactly an offensive powerhouse, but he plays defense in a spot where the roster is otherwise thin. Take him out of the mix and the Phillies are left juggling a few spring-training options and hoping someone looks like a center fielder by opening day.

That’s the baseball problem.

The smaller but still tragic loss is the walk-up song. Every time Rojas stepped to the plate, Citizens Bank Park got “Oh Oh Oh (Veo Veo),” which was extremely fun and made you want to shimmy on a random Tuesday night.

The Phillies will figure out center field eventually, but the stadium is at risk of losing one of its best vibes.

Newly released emails show the disgraced financier repeatedly claimed he funded a “Quantum Gravity Program” at Penn. The problem: The research program he actually helped fund was at Penn State.

To outsiders, that might sound like a harmless mix-up. Technically both are universities, sure. But socially it lands closer to mixing up Wawa and Sheetz. People will notice.

Few things irritate University of Pennsylvania alumni more than being mistaken for Penn State. The Ivy League school has spent decades correcting people on this, to the point that alumni sell novelty shirts that read, “Not Penn State.”

Apparently, Epstein missed the memo.

A visitor from Columbus popped into Reddit after a first trip to Philadelphia to rave about the walkability, Chinatown food, and an Angelo’s cheesesteak — and ask locals what to do next time.

Naturally, the internet responded by assembling a pretty respectable itinerary.

One commenter suggested the Barnes: Another recommended the Schuylkill River Trail and neighborhood hopping through Fishtown, Manayunk, and the Italian Market. A third pushed the visitor farther west for food: “Some great Ethiopian and other African restaurants.”

There was also the very Philly observation that the tourist somehow skipped the city’s most predictable cheesesteak stop. “It is so rare when a tourist does not stop at a Pats or Genos. They can’t help themselves.”

The thread is mostly right. But if you want the full Philly experience, we’d add a few more essentials: a Phillies game at Citizens Bank Park, a wander down the Italian Market, and a long, aimless walk through one of the city’s rowhouse neighborhoods where every block looks a little different.

Also, credit where it’s due. The guy went to Angelo’s on his first trip. Some visitors take years to figure that one out.

The Flyers once brought Johnny “Cannoli” Garbarino, an undefeated bare-knuckle boxer, in to teach players how to handle themselves in hockey fights.

So it’s not ideal that he’s now at the center of a late-night brawl outside Barstool Sansom Street.

Video shows Garbarino punching the bar’s plexiglass vestibule, threatening onlookers, and setting off a multiperson street fight after destroying someone’s phone. Police are investigating an assault complaint.

Hiring a professional fighter to teach hockey players how to fight makes a certain kind of sense. Being surprised when that same fighter gets into a fight outside a bar at 2 a.m. makes a little less.

Not exactly the kind of player development the Flyers had in mind.

The Philadelphia Museum of Art is bringing back something locals have loved for years: pay-what-you-wish admission on Friday nights.

Considering a full-price ticket can run up to $30, that’s not a small change. Museums love to talk about accessibility but removing the price barrier is one of the few ways to actually make that happen.

The timing is also convenient. After months of headlines about leadership drama, rebrands, and legal disputes, the museum seems eager to remind people that the actual point of the place is, you know, art.

And if letting people decide what to pay gets more Philadelphians wandering the galleries on a Friday night, that’s probably a pretty good reset.

A Pennsylvania State Police K-9 named Ivan helped troopers uncover 40 pounds of marijuana and $6,000 in cash during a traffic stop on I-95 in Ridley Township last month.

From a law enforcement perspective, that’s a pretty significant drug bust.

From a public relations perspective, it’s also a reminder that every police department should have at least one extremely good dog on staff.

Ivan alerted troopers to the scent of narcotics in the vehicle, leading to a search warrant and the eventual discovery of boxes and buckets full of marijuana.

Which means somewhere in Delaware County, a very good boy probably got a treat and a lot of praise — as he should.