Tasting celebrity wines, from satisfying to swill

Vanity wines have become as essential as a nine iron to the golfer's portfolio, thanks to Greg Norman's success. Actors and DJs have gotten into self-labeled vino, too, as have hockey legends and major-league sluggers who are corking juice for their favorite causes.

But are they drinkable? After a 16-bottle tasting, I found a few pleasant surprises. But mostly, lets hope these celebu-vintners keep their day jobs:

Greg Norman 2003 Reserve Coonawarra Cabernet Sauvignon (exclusively at Morton's steak houses, $15.95 a glass): I find Norman's less-expensive California series boring and generic, but this premium bottle from his Australian reserve cellar reminds why the Shark was so successful to begin with. This cab delivers a long drive of bold, dark Aussie fruit, with licorice and cedar spice and the depth of a serious wine.

Chaddsford Pierre Noir, $16.99: DJ Pierre Robert actually helped stomp the grapes, and vintner Eric Lee turned them into a rarity - drinkable Pennsylvania pinot! It's strawberry light in color, but lively and confident, with good, bright fruit, an earthy pepper and cinnamon-clovey spice, and a likability that reminds of Robert himself. Available only at Chaddsford outlets or online after April 3.

Andretti Napa Cabernet 2006, $24.99: Pennsylvania's famed speedster delivers a cabernet with tight tannic handling, plush blackberry fruit, and a classic Napa sleekness that can only be called racy.

Sofia Blanc de Blancs 2007, $19.99: Nothing gets lost in translation with this simple Coppola sparkler. It offers a sweet kiss of honeysuckle that's well-balanced with a pithy lemon finish that keeps it from being cloying.

There's a rivalry going on inside TV's favorite mob family, and it's playing out in local wine stores, with the Sopranos "Family Made" Wines jockeying against bottles from Lorraine Bracco, who played Tony Soprano's psychiatrist on the HBO series.

None of them has much "ba-da-bing!"- especially our bottle of Bracco's 2006 Chianti Classico ($19.99), which exhibited a mustiness and a woody, Old-World gruffness. Bracco's nearly tasteless pinot grigio ($10.99) didn't impress, either. For the price, the Sopranos Chianti Classico Riserva 2005 ($9.99), with its deep black-cherry fruit and enamel-peeling tannins, would be just fine for a spicy spaghetti dinner at Vesuvio's.

With some celebs using wine labels to pad their egos, it's hard to gripe about stars selling wine for charity. So buy the bottles. Support the fights against diabetes, childhood cancer, and cystic fibrosis.

But drink at your own risk, because none of these would otherwise be worth the price. Dave "The Hammer" Schultz may have been a tough guy with an NHL record for penalty minutes, but his 2007 chardonnay ($13.99, made by Ironstone Vineyards) has no body or punch. The 2005 vintage of Bobby Clarke "Clarkie's Cab" is also a lightweight effort (also from Ironstone, $14.99), with a cloying vanilla sweetness over soft, red berries that's more Lady Byng than Broad Street Bully. Neither slapsticker, though, struck out quite like Mike Schmidt's 548 Zinfandel ($17.99), which had a funky sweetness on the nose - furniture polish, prunes and fake popcorn butter? - and was a good deed just to swallow. E-5, for those of you scoring at home.

If the Shark can score with wine, why not the rest of the PGA? At least Ernie Els hit the fairway in his collaboration with South African winemaker Jean Engelbrecht, a 2006 Engelbrecht Els Proprietor's Blend ($17.99) of mostly cab and shiraz that was bold, plum-dark, and cedar-spicy, if still a little bit young and in the rough. Brit Nick Faldo's wines, though, came off like Greg Norman Lite, with a 2005 Coonawarra shiraz ($15.59) that was so soft and jammy it was like putt-putt juice, and a 2008 sauvignon blanc ($14.99) that whiffed of classic grapefruit but lacked enough follow-through to even clear the tee.

Latrobe's own Arnold Palmer, meanwhile, will always be synonymous with iced tea-plus-lemonade when it comes to drinks. His totally forgettable Napa wines, a 2005 cab and chard made by Luna (both $12.99), won't change that. They're destined to become country-club plonk.

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Danny DeVito's Premium Limoncello, $20.99, isn't as jolly a drink as I'd hoped from the comic genius. This is especially true when compared with more drinkable lemon spirits (such as Pallini, $21.99) that taste more like the distilled essence of fruit than citrus-flavored rubbing alcohol.