We predicted the outcome of every Eagles game this season. It’ll be music to your ears.
Now that the NFL preseason has been consigned to memory — that is, if anyone actually remembers it — it’s time for the big moment.
Now that the NFL preseason has been consigned to memory — that is, if anyone actually remembers it — it’s time for the big moment. It’s time to reveal the outcome of every Eagles game during the 2026 regular season.
Week 1: After an offseason of speculation about his scheme and system, new Eagles offensive coordinator Sean Mannion shocks everyone on the first play from scrimmage against Washington by having Jalen Hurts line up under center, take the snap, and do The Macarena. “I am not trying to seduce you,” Hurts says after the game. “I am trying to win football games.” Saquon Barkley rushes for 221 yards and two touchdowns, compelling President Trump to issue an executive order changing the franchise’s name from the Washington Commanders to the Washington Ontario. Eagles 24, Commanders 7.
Week 2: Before arriving in Nashville to face the Titans, the Eagles’ players and coaches spend Friday in East Tennessee — at Dollywood for a team-bonding retreat. Following a team dinner at Granny Ogle’s Ham ‘n’ Beans, Jordan Davis persuades Vic Fangio to ride the Wild Eagle roller coaster with him. Both of them throw up. Two days later, Jalyx Hunt sacks Titans quarterback Cam Ward three times. “I set out to get him with a fine tooth comb,” Hunt says. Eagles 20, Titans 6.
» READ MORE: This defense won’t be the best in Eagles history. But it will be plenty good enough. Even great.
Week 3: On Fox NFL Sunday, Bears head coach Ben Johnson tells Jay Glazer, “Yeah, we want to win the game, but we want more than that. We want to hang 50 on ‘em. We’re the best around, and nothing’s gonna ever keep us down.” Quinyon Mitchell intercepts Caleb Williams’s first pass and returns it 37 yards for the game’s only touchdown. Eagles 7, Bears 3.
Week 4: Less than 24 hours before their matchup against the Eagles, the Rams announce that they have acquired Joey Bosa, Bobby Wagner, Haason Reddick, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Matt Damon, Don Cheadle, Elliott Gould, and Julia Roberts. DeVonta Smith catches six passes for 66 yards. The Eagles’ other wide receivers combine for six catches for minus-six yards. Rams 27, Eagles 13.
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Week 5: In London, Hurts throws two interceptions and loses a fumble against the Jaguars. Asked after the game if he has any plans to go back to an offensive system with which his quarterback is more comfortable, head coach Nick Sirianni says, “Relax. I need some information first. Just the basic facts. Can you show me where it’s Hurts?” Jaguars 21, Eagles 7.
Week 6: The Eagles bounce back against the Panthers, but their manner of victory causes controversy. Barkley carries the ball 45 times for 233 yards and three touchdowns, but Hurts does not attempt a pass. At his locker after the game, Smith is asked how he feels about the offense. “You gotta go shipping up to Boston — or Foxborough — for that answer,” he says. Eagles 30, Panthers 17.
Week 7: On Monday Night Football against the Cowboys, Hurts delivers his finest performance of the season: 349 passing yards, two passing touchdowns, and a career-high seven aphorisms during his postgame press conference. His team off to a 3-4 start, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones says after the game that he has benched quarterback Dak Prescott and asks Troy Aikman if he’d be willing to play again. “Old man,” Aikman responds, “look at my life. Hell. No.” Eagles 34, Cowboys 28.
Week 8: It’s the second Eagles-Washington matchup of the season, this time on Sunday Night Football. Josh Harris hosts LeBron James and Jaylen Brown in his Northwest Stadium suite, where the amenities include a catering tray of undercooked hot dogs and guest appearances by former Washington greats Rock Cartwright, Gus Frerotte, and Donovan McNabb. Eagles 31, Whatever Their Name Is 10.
Week 9: Despite the Giants’ 4-6 record entering this game at Lincoln Financial Field, New York Mayor Zohran Mamdani releases 12 social-media videos declaring that Dec. 25 will “be known from this day forth as ‘John Harbaugh Day in the Big Apple.’” The New York Post runs a poll revealing that 57% of the media who cover the Giants believe Harbaugh is a better coach than Bill Parcells, Tom Coughlin, or Vince Lombardi. Jaxson Dart doesn’t complete a pass until late in the fourth quarter. Eagles 23, Giants 0.
Week 10: Through nine games, the Eagles have committed 15 turnovers. So during the bye week, Sirianni announces he will become the full-time play-caller. “The nearer we are to our destination, the more the ball is slip-slidin’ away,” he says. “I wear my passion for protecting the football like a thorny crown.” Asked if he will bench Hurts for any of the other 17 quarterbacks on the Eagles’ roster, Sirianni declines to comment.
» READ MORE: Meet the 2026 Eagles: What to know about every player
Week 11: The Eagles pound the Steelers at the Linc. The next morning, Aaron Rodgers appears on The Pat McAfee Show, claiming that the real reason he and his teammates lost was that Anthony Fauci, The Illuminati, and the game’s replay officials conspired against them. Eagles 28, Steelers 3.
Week 12: On Thanksgiving, the Cowboys rally from a 14-point halftime deficit to beat the Eagles. Asked after the crushing loss why Hurts did not throw a pass over the game’s final three quarters, Sirianni responds, “Jalen was on a vacation far away. So many things I want to say. You know I like my leads a little bit bigger, but I don’t want to lose that ball tonight.” Cowboys 21, Eagles 17.
Week 13: A 10-day layoff leads to sloppiness and frustration on offense against the Cardinals; only a dominant performance from the Eagles’ defense saves them. Standing at his locker, Smith holds out his smartphone to show that he has received a text message from A.J. Brown: “yo bro i told u also don’t 4get book club tues nite.” Eagles 16, Cardinals 3.
Week 14: The Colts’ Daniel Jones tosses three touchdown passes as former Eagles OC Shane Steichen spends all day scheming receivers open against Fangio’s defense. On WIP, PHLY Sports, and Jeff McLane’s podcast, Brandon Graham announces that he is considering coming out of retirement. Colts 27, Eagles 21.
Week 15: A matchup of the last two Super Bowl champions shows the Eagles where they really stand in the NFC. Hurts throws three interceptions, including two in the red zone, against the Seahawks. “You win. You learn,” Hurts says. “You laugh. You learn. You cry. You learn. You miss Dallas Goedert wide-open in the end zone. You learn.” Still, ESPN’s Dan Orlovsky says that Hurts is in the discussion for the top five quarterbacks in the NFL if you consider that every quarterback in the NFL is really under discussion to be one of the top five quarterbacks in the NFL because every quarterback in the NFL is amazing. Seahawks 24, Eagles 6.
Week 16: On Christmas Eve, the Eagles and Texans combine for seven turnovers and remain scoreless into overtime before C.J. Stroud throws his fourth interception, all to Riq Woolen, and Jake Elliott kicks a 30-yard field goal. Smith shows reporters another text from Brown: ‘haha u missed xmas story marathon on tbs 4 this.’ Eagles 3, Texans 0.
» READ MORE: Now out of A.J. Brown’s shadow, is DeVonta Smith ready for his close-up? ‘The guy was built to do this’
Week 17: When 49ers coach Kyle Shanahan doesn’t appear at one of his midweek press conferences, ESPN’s Adam Schefter reports that the 49ers have allowed him to report that Shanahan has actually been in cryogenic stasis since early October. Eagles 35, 49ers 20.
Week 18: At MetLife Stadium, with Mannion calling plays again, Hurts goes 7-of-21 for 79 yards in an ugly victory over the Giants. New York media members give Harbaugh a standing ovation for going 6-11, talking to them nicely and even using their first names. The Eagles finish 12-5 and clinch their third straight NFC East title. Sirianni announces that, in the following week’s wild-card game, backup quarterback Troy Aikman will start. Eagles 11, Giants 7.
