Only in Philadelphia could two people get married in a parking lot, have Jason Kelce hand out beers instead of a flower girl tossing petals, and somehow end up with a wedding more elaborate than most people could afford.

Lindsey Carl and Brandon Byrd won a contest to get married outside Lincoln Financial Field before Monday’s Eagles-Cowboys game. And yes, their last name really is Byrd.

The ceremony featured Kelce, Beau Allen, Shane Victorino, the Philly Pops, and a performance of “Total Eclipse of the Heart” by Delco Donny, who naturally changed the lyrics to “I need youse now tonight.”

The bride wore sparkling kelly green boots. The groom wore a midnight green tuxedo. Their guests wore tailgate attire.

And while most couples spend months agonizing over seating charts, centerpieces and whether their relatives will behave, these two just showed up and let Philadelphia handle the wedding planning.

The only thing missing was someone yelling “Go Birds!” when the officiant asked if anyone objected.

Philadelphia has officially appointed its first rat czar, which sounds like a title someone would earn after surviving 30 years of living in South Philly.

Adrian Jordan, a longtime city health department employee, will now oversee Philadelphia’s war on rodents, coordinating six departments and eventually launching a public dashboard to track rat complaints.

A rat dashboard. We’re going to be able to monitor the city’s rat activity like they’re SEPTA arrival times.

And remember, just last week PETA suggested putting Philly’s rats on birth control. So in the span of a few days, we’ve gone from discussing rodent family planning to appointing someone to oversee their downfall.

To be fair, residents in the Lower Northeast have been dealing with a serious infestation, including rats chewing through car wiring. They deserve a solution, and Jordan has spent more than 20 years fighting these things.

But imagine working your entire career in public health and finally getting promoted to rat czar... that’s definitely a business card you keep forever.

So we’re rooting for Jordan. The rats, presumably, are not.

For generations of Philadelphians, “Meet me at the Eagle” meant meeting someone beneath the giant bronze bird at Wanamakers. Soon, it might mean grabbing a cocktail there, too.

Developers have unveiled plans that could turn the historic Grand Court into a dining destination, complete with a bar surrounding the famous Eagle and tables spread across the floor.

And we have to admit, we’re intrigued.

After watching Macy’s close and the once-bustling department store sit largely empty, the idea of bringing people back into that magnificent space is exciting. Especially if it means we can admire the architecture with a martini in hand.

Of course, these are just concepts. No restaurants have been announced, and there’s still plenty to figure out.

The developers say the Grand Court would remain accessible to everyone, not just paying customers.

Now, if someone could just figure out how to bring back the Christmas light show, we’d really have something to celebrate.

Apparently, the Sixers have decided that ringing a bell before a basketball game is now a special occasion.

After years of inviting everyone from Philly sports legends to local celebrities to ring the ceremonial bell before every home game, the team is cutting the tradition back to just 13 games a season, Philly Voice reported.

Why 13? Something about the original 13 colonies and the team’s Circle of Stars logo. Sure. Whatever.

The Sixers say limiting the ceremony to marquee matchups will make it more exciting. But wasn’t the whole point that it was a fun, distinctly Philly tradition? Not everything needs to be reserved for a nationally televised game.

And let’s be serious. The bell-ringing ceremony was never the thing keeping fans from getting excited at the Wells Fargo Center.

After years of playoff disappointments, we’ve finally got LeBron James in a Sixers uniform and a reason to feel optimistic. This is when you lean into the fun stuff, not start rationing it.

Free the bell. Let the people ring.

If you’ve got $65,000 burning a hole in your pocket, you could buy a nice new car, put a down payment on a house, or become the proud owner of a papier-mâché Jason Kelce head.

The Museum of the Philadelphian, a 300-square-foot shrine to everything wonderfully ridiculous about this city, is for sale on Facebook Marketplace.

And yes, the listing is real.

You can own a collection that includes a rearview mirror from a car flipped during the Phillies’ 2008 World Series celebration, tributes to our beloved rotisserie chicken guy, and reminders of the time Philadelphia murdered a hitchhiking robot.

Where else would these things be considered museum-worthy artifacts?

Creator Brian Adoff is hoping someone will give the collection a permanent home after its six-week Fishtown run ends Sunday. And somebody absolutely should.

The fact that you can purchase an entire museum of Philadelphia nonsense on Facebook Marketplace might be the most Philadelphia thing in the museum.

Now we just need someone with $65,000 and a deep appreciation for our city’s questionable behavior.

Philadelphia has reclaimed its title as the poorest big city in America. Congratulations to absolutely nobody.

After briefly surrendering the top spot to Houston, we’re back at No. 1, with more than 20% of Philadelphians living in poverty.

And unlike our sports teams, this is one championship we’d be thrilled to lose.

The frustrating part is that Philadelphia had been making progress. Our poverty rate had been falling for years, but now it’s stalled. Meanwhile, groceries, housing, and other basic necessities keep getting more expensive, and assistance programs that help families get by are facing cuts.

Mayor Cherelle L. Parker called the numbers unacceptable, and she’s right. But the bigger issue isn’t whether we’re first or second on some depressing national ranking. It’s that one in five Philadelphians is struggling to afford basic necessities, and that hasn’t meaningfully changed in years.

We can celebrate new developments, big events, and everything else happening in this city. But none of that means much if the people who live here can’t afford to stay afloat.

Philadelphia deserves better than being known for how many of its residents are struggling.

Philadelphia was all set to say goodbye to the Portal this week. Apparently, somebody decided we weren’t ready for a long-distance breakup.

The giant circular screen connecting Philly to strangers around the world was supposed to leave Saturday, but a last-minute intervention means it’s staying put, at least for now.

And we’re glad! Where else can you make awkward eye contact with someone in Dublin, wave at a stranger in Lithuania, or watch a Philadelphian attempt to communicate an entire conversation through increasingly aggressive hand gestures?

The Portal has had a very Philly existence. It arrived in LOVE Park, got vandalized, moved to City Hall, and was nearly evicted to make room for Christmas Village.

Now an unidentified “generous patron” is helping keep it here while the city figures out long-term funding.

We don’t yet know who’s paying to save the Portal, but we appreciate someone recognizing that Philly needs more opportunities to embarrass itself on an international stage.