Gather ‘round, good people. Have I got some news that will change your lives …

Don’t feel like doing your homework or your job or paying your bills or your taxes? Just don’t.

Are bosses (or teachers or parents or significant others) on you to do something, or maybe to stop doing something? Pffft, who’s gonna make you?

For real, any time you’re called to take responsibility for whatever, whenever, don’t sweat it. Because who’s really held accountable for much of anything anymore? Not treasonous presidents, not seditious Republican lawmakers, not even a Capitol rioter who was given permission to vacation in Mexico while out on bail. (Insurrections can be so exhausting!)

And lately, not our mayor.

Last month it was revealed that Mayor Kenney would only sit for an interview with independent investigators looking into the city’s monumental mishandling of police protests if the questions were provided in advance and if follow-up questions were submitted in writing.

And now he has declined — declined!? — to appear at a hearing Friday to testify about his administration’s central role in the Philly Fighting COVID vaccine debacle.

Not to say I told you so, but I told you so many times (here and here and here ) that unchecked accountability only leads to more unchecked accountability. Tolerating bad behavior begets more bad behavior. (Citing an inspector general investigation, Kenney’s administration has been refusing to answer some questions from Council and reporters. But that was news to the IG’s office.)

And yet, even I was floored that, under the circumstances, Kenney just got to tap out.

I mean, sure, several members of his administration will testify, and the only time mayors usually appear before Council is during the annual budget address.

But this is the man in charge. Top of the food chain, baby. The here in the-buck-stops-here, and he just gets to say, Nah, I’m good.

At a news conference this week, Kenney said he understands that as mayor, he is “blamed for most things.”

“That comes with the territory,” he said. “I’ve got my big boy pants on.”

OK, then he should hike those bad boys up and accept that part of his job is being held accountable for not holding others accountable.

And when he’s done with those big boy britches, wouldn’t it be nice if we could Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants them to Washington, where national leaders continue to behave as if accountability is optional?

Last month Sen. Lindsey Graham stood on the the floor of the Senate just hours after the attack on the U.S. Capitol and condemned efforts to overturn the election.

“Enough is enough!” he said. “Count me out.”

Less than 24 hours later we learned this should also include counting him out of supporting the 25th Amendment to get rid of Trump. And now, counting out even the most vile Republicans from facing consequences for their parts in inciting an insurrection, and continuing to wreak havoc on democracy.

Boy, did Graham squirm when confronted by reporters about QAnon Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s hateful and violent comments that, in a flicker of partisan accountability, got her tossed from her committee seats (though real accountability would see her expelled).

In essence, Graham’s defense was: She seems nice. And who knows if the social posts are accurate? Could be they were “manipulated,” he mused, sounding devilishly close to breaking out a hypnotic “You’re getting sleepier” just to escape uncomfortable questioning.

Because aren’t facts just an illusion now?

This week Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez spent an hour and a half on Instagram Live speaking about the trauma she experienced during the attack on the Capitol on Jan. 6.

She also spoke about Republican colleagues trying to minimize or straight-out deny what happened that day.

“These people are just trying to tell us, ‘It’s not a big deal,’ and they’re trying to say, ‘You’re making too big a deal over it,’” she said.

This is where I’m going to ask you to take a very short detour with me to Rochester, N.Y., where this week body camera footage showed police handcuffing and pepper-spraying a clearly distressed and emotional 9-year-old Black girl.

The layers of wrong are for another column. But I was struck by something the police union chief said in defense of officers who have since been suspended.

“They were trying to get her into the car and made a decision. He made a decision there that he thought was the best action to take. The result ... ,” he said, stumbling over his words, “no injury to her.”

Those four words have been playing in my head since: “No injury to her.”

It’s in those kinds of denials where people in power absolve themselves and others of accountability. Where victims are re-traumatized by being forced to prove harm.

Because no harm, no consequences, right? Just shut up and move on, everyone. Nothing to see — or do — here.

Deny the facts and victims’ pain, and no one has to be held accountable for terrorizing a little girl. Deny facts and fear, and no one has to be held accountable for the assault on our lawmakers and our democracy.

In his inauguration speech, President Biden said it is our obligation to defend the truth and defeat the lies.

The only way to do that is by holding everyone accountable, however uncomfortable or inconvenient that may be.