Adored husband, devoted father, and beloved owner of six-pack abs David Beckham swanned around before hundreds of screaming fans at Selfridges store in London yesterday for the unveiling of a giant portrait showing him in a state of Being that would have been most congenial to the late, great photog Robert Mapplethorpe, maker of provocative homoerotic pics and flower portraits.

Becks' pic, part of the latest Emporio Armani underwear campaign, depicts the 34-year-old soccer stud in a tiny pair of briefs with a giant rope partly wrapped around his torso.

"I'm very proud to be here," he said. "My mum's here, my wife . . . and my mother-in-law."

Divorce for Usher & Tameka?

Grammy-winning R&B superstar Usher (born Usher Raymond IV), 30, and his wife Tameka Foster, who were wed in August '07, filed divorce papers yesterday in Atlanta, says In Touch Weekly.

An anon "insider" tells the mag that Usher "has been living apart from his wife for nearly a year," adding that the star's "primary concern is for his children," Usher Raymond V, 18 months, and Naviyd, 6 months. There has been no official word from either party.

Carrie was naughty to the 10th power!

Miss California USA exec director Keith Lewis yesterday told The Early Show's Julie Chen that Donald Trump had made a wise decision to dethrone former Miss Calif. Carrie Prejean. Lewis said Carrie missed "tens and tens and tens" of required appearances and was difficult to work with.

Cinematic bits

Variety says Diane Lane, who exudes an old-Hollywood beauty that's become virtually extinct, will star opposite a horse in Disney's Secretariat, about the amity between the 1973 Triple Crown-winning racehorse and his owner, the so-called first lady of racing, Penny Chenery.

Tragedy, reality TV-style

The nation is rocked by tragic news.

There's truth - and verity - to rumors that America's most cherished example of a life wasted, Paris Hilton, has broken the once-adamantine spiritual bond that, um, bound her to her reality TV Knight on a Shiny Sports Car, Doug Reinhardt. This, after six months of bliss.

In a serpentine statement that cries out for editing, Paris' rep tells People: "In response to the inquiry on whether Paris Hilton has split up with Doug Reinhardt, yes, this is true, they are no longer together. They remain friends and ask that you please respect their privacy."

A beauty is no less beautiful nude

Ryan Reynolds, 32, and his Proposal costar Sandra Bullock, 44, who have unleashed a deluge of propaganda to sell their flick, yesterday repeated the story of their nude scene for the 116th time, this time to People.com.

They followed the PR formula to a T.

First, they assure us they aren't just colleagues, but extraordinary friends. They even vacation together with spouses Jesse James, 40, and Scarlett Johansson, 24!

Next, each reveals that the other is not only Oscar-worthy, but, like, totally deserves the Nobel Peace Prize. Ryan is just chock-full of "humility, talent, kindness," says Sandra.

And Sandra? Well, she's way hip - "a catalog of old hip-hop tunes" - he says.

Ryan then adds . . . wait for it . . . "And she looks terrific naked." So hot, so spontaneous.

More calories, same taste

When AMC's critically acclaimed, sometimes savage dissection of the ad industry, Mad Men, returns for a third season on Aug. 16, it'll have two minutes' worth of more . . . ads.

But never fear: TV blog DeadlineHollywoodDaily.com reports that AMC relented when producers balked at the prospect of shortening the show. The 10 p.m. show will now run past its 11 p.m. end time to allow for the ads.

'Futurama' has a future

Entertainment Weekly says Comedy Central has ordered another 26 episodes of Matt Groening and David X. Cohen's Futurama. Look for them in 2010.

Contact "SideShow" at sideshow@phillynews.com. This column contains information from Inquirer wire services.