Rupert Everett

, whose Ernest was so earnestly flippant in

Oliver Parker

's

Oscar Wilde

adaptation,

The Importance of Being Earnest

, isn't impressed by screen idol

Jennifer Aniston

, whose

Friends

character was so aggressively earnest. Rupe tells BBC Radio 4 that movie stars are wildly overrated. "Jennifer Aniston will have one too many total flops, but she's still a member of that [A-list] club," says Rupe, now lapsing into a wild poesy half

Yeats

, half

Lewis Carroll

, "and she will still manage to . . . like a star forming in the universe, things will swirl around her and it will suddenly solidify into another vital tasteless romcom, you know, a little glitter next to the Crab Nebula."

Rupe is equally sharp with fellow Brit Colin Firth, who is an Oscar favorite for The King's Speech.

"Colin Firth I don't think was at all good in Mamma Mia!," Rupe says. "You know, I would have thought it was almost a careericide."

George Clooney, satellite jockey

Actor and humanitarian

George Clooney

has hired a satellite - and by golly, he's going to use it to Do Good!

Time mag and media outlet Fast Company ("the world's leading progressive business media brand") say the filmic member of the "anti-genocide paparazzi" has joined forces with Google, the Harvard Humanitarian Initiative, and the United Nations to use satellite surveillance to monitor violence and civil-rights violations in Sudan.

Seems the Satellite Sentinel Project would never have gotten off the ground had Clooney not offered to foot the bill. (How much does Avis charge for a satellite rental these days?)

"We want [the Sudanese] to enjoy the level of celebrity attention that I usually get," Clooney tells Time. "If you know your actions are going to be covered, you tend to behave much differently than when you operate in a vacuum."

Politicos say things are tense in Sudan in the run-up to a Jan. 9 referendum to decide whether the country should split into two nations.

Aretha Franklin death reports wrong

An unnamed source "close" to singer

Aretha Franklin

tells the Detroit Free Press that rumors the Queen of Soul has died are untrue. Franklin, who recently had surgery for pancreatic cancer, is "home, alive, and recovering," said the source.

We missed decade's biggest event!

In Touch Weekly's latest issue declaims on its cover that the Milky Way's most conspicuous couple have married in a meta-classified, supersecret wedding - and the press missed it!

Brad Pitt

and

Angelina Jolie

, the mag says, exchanged vows - and flirty looks - on a beach on the Indian Ocean.

The British tabs say Brangelina plan to wed in India, all right, but not until 2011. The Mirror says they'll have "a Hindustyle wedding" with Brad coming down the aisle "on an elephant." Believe what you will.

But the honeymoon is barely over!

Renowned American neorealist sleaze-vid maker

Joe Francis

, doyen of all things

Girls Gone Wild

, has managed to alienate his wife after less than two months!

An anon source tells RadarOnline that Christina McLarty has "moved out of their Bel Air home and into her mother's house."

Francis, 37, celebrated for his artistic depiction of alcohol-addled topless sorority babes, wed the CBS reporter after a four-year courtship. They had a lavish wedding in early November at Francis' compound in Punta Mita, Mexico.

Francis' rep has denied the report.

Millepied: I loved her talent

Natalie Portman

's French dancer-dude fiance, 33-year-old

Benjamin Millepied

, who is principal dancer at the New York City Ballet, tells Details he fell for Nat on the set of their balletic thriller,

Black Swan

.

What entranced him, he says, was her artistry. "You're standing up next to those actors, like Natalie, and you're like, [beep]. . . . I was blown away - especially by Natalie, who was amazing to watch."

Reese's gigantanourmous rock

Reese Witherspoon

's rep tells People that

Jim Toth

, 40, proposed to the actress with a 4-carat Ashoka diamond jobber set on a pavé diamond-and-platinum band, whatever that means.

Swift holds on to No. 1

Taylor Swift

's

Speak Now

retains the top spot on Billboard's album charts, with 276,000 copies sold, according to Nielsen SoundScan. Scottish wonder Susan Boyle's

The Gift

is at No. 2 with 240,000, while

Glee: The Music, The Christmas Album

is in third place with 160,000.

Charlie: To party or not to party?

Dude! No contest.

Paaarty!

So things stand for Charlie Sheen, says RadarOnline, which cites an anon source claiming the troubled Two and a Half Men star missed not one, not two, but three Christmas-related family events so he could continue his rather vigorous fight for his right to party. Seems Charlie missed outings with his bro, Emilio Estevez, his ex-, Denise Richards, and his daughter, Cassandra.

Last Christmas, Sheen was arrested for domestic violence for assaulting wife Brooke Mueller.

Greed is good . . .

Us Weekly and the New York Post say

Scott Disick

, daddy to gf

Kourtney Kardashian

's 1-year-old son,

Mason

, upset the suits at E! Entertainment by demanding that his son be paid $5,000 an episode to appear on Kourtney's E! reality show,

Kourtney & Kim Take New York

. E! balked. Mason won't be on the show.

Candace Cameron Bure's bulimia fight

Full House

alum

Candace Cameron Bure

, 34, reveals in a new memoir,

Reshaping It All

, that she struggled for many years with bulimia. "It's a very dangerous cycle that can just start to consume your life and really take over," she tells People.

Tobey Maguire: Go for it!

Is

Tobey Maguire

, who has been supplanted by

Andrew Garfield

in the next

Spider-Man

flick, a simmering vat of rage and bitterness? Nonsense, says

Social Network

star Garfield. "He sent me a lovely message through a mutual friend," he tells the BBC. "He gave me his support, and it meant a great deal . . . because part of the reason I love, and continue to love, this character was because of his portrayal."

This article includes information from Inquirer wire services and websites.

Contact "Sideshow" at sideshow@phillynews.com.