For 36 hours, Philly won’t have a sworn-in mayor. Here’s how we should mark the rare event.

Only in Philadelphia would we delay swearing in our new mayor so people can strut down Broad Street in satin costumes while pumping itty bitty parasols on New Year’s Day.

Sure, having someone in place to lead and govern our city is “smart” and probably “the law,” but the Mummers are a tradition (albeit a controversial one) that has outlived many a mayor.

And so, earlier this year City Council decided to push back the public swearing-in ceremony of Mayor-elect Cherelle Parker — which would typically happen on the first Monday of the new year — to Jan. 2, so it did not conflict with the Mummers Parade and other New Year’s festivities.

Mayor Jim Kenney is officially out of his post at 11:59 p.m. Dec. 31, which means that for 36 hours, Philly won’t have a sworn-in mayor (though, yes, technically Parker takes over immediately and, yes, all other functions of the city, like law enforcement, will still exist). And the people of Philadelphia, who are already ungovernable at best, have thoughts about what should happen during this rare event.

Should everything be legal in those 36 hours? Will we finally be able to climb greased poles like the champions we are, without fear of arrest? Or should we elect a 36-hour mayor, as Philly government relations professional Lauren Vidas proposed on X, the platform formerly known as Twitter, to lead us in the most interesting way possible during these turbulent times?

Of course, we won’t really be without a mayor. Parker officially assumes the office when Kenney leaves but won’t take her oath until the swearing-in ceremony, which means she’ll hold the position but won’t be able to use the full powers of the office. She could also take the oath in private, prior to the public ceremony.

But let us not let logic get in the way of this Philadelphia thought experiment.

When Vidas, of South Philly, posted her call-out on Twitter last month, she asked people to suggest “three planks from their Mayoral policy platform and we’ll elect a 36 hour mayor.”

“As someone who has worked in and around government for years, I thought it would be fun to see what people would want to do,” she said. “Got a lot of great responses and hope Mayor Elect Parker’s team considers borrowing a few of these ideas.”

If she were the 36-hour mayor, Vidas said her policies would be: “1) you are legally entitled to vandalize cars blocking crosswalks or parking on the sidewalk 2) four day work week 3) the cost for a 3rd residential parking permit is now $1000.”

Policy proposals offered by other 36-hour mayoral contenders include:

In those 36 hours, I would like to see soft pretzel street vendors return to Philly and flood our streets with their salty wares. The health department cracked down on them years ago because of unsanitary practices, but those guys seemed like real characters and how dirty can a pretzel really get in 36 hours?

Next, I propose we storm the SS United States and see just what the heck is going on in there. The 990-foot ship has been docked in South Philly for 27 years, with plans to restore or repurpose it often going nowhere. Could it be because there’s a portal to the Upside Down within it? Join my expedition and find out!

Of course, we’re going to need to cool down after all that exploring, so it’s a good thing all Citywide Specials will be free (citywide Citywides!) and we won’t need to worry about the legality of our dumpster pool party.

Finally, I will strike down with great vengeance and furious anger upon anyone I see littering by placing a sad orange traffic cone over their head.

My 36-hour mayor stumping points would also include:

When Parker does take office next year, I hope she’ll consider some of the policy proposals outlined above by her constituents. While they may seem silly on the surface, many of them are rooted in seriously good ideas — especially that one about the four-day workweek.

Go Birds.