Q: LAST FRIDAY, my in-laws picked up my two children after school and took them for the weekend. I looked forward to a sexy weekend with my husband. I turned up the A/C and put on my special red sweater which really accentuates my breasts. Then, I called my girlfriend from across the street.
When she came over, I handed her a bag full of cords, sat in a wooden, straight back chair, put my hands behind my back and told my laughing neighbor to tie me up real good. I wanted my husband to take a long, long time getting me free.
When my neighbor was done, including gagging me with a kerchief from the bag, she went back across the street leaving the door unlocked so hubby wouldn't have to knock. Seconds later, the door opened and in walked my in-laws and my children! They stood momentarily staring, then as they rushed over, my husband entered behind them. He immediately sized up the situation and began laughing. He ushered the other four out. I later phoned and told my kids that mommy and daddy were playing a secret game. Do you think that's enough of an explanation or should I reassure them that everything's OK?
Mia: Aren't you a kinky girl? Don't worry about the kiddies. Just act normal and don't bring up your being tied up unless they do. Just be your normal, sexy, affectionate self around your man and they'll be reassured that all is well at your house. By the way, your husband is one lucky guy.
Steve: You must've turned 50 shades of red. Next time, have your neighbor stand guard at the door until hubby gets home.
Q: I don't understand why some women settle. My friend's boyfriend doesn't want to marry her because he's already been married, so they're just going to live together. I've watched her quit a lucrative job and prepare to move to another state to be with him, while he sits back and waits. When women get married, they get weddings, showers and bachelorette parties. But she's uprooting her whole life and basically gets nothing. I feel like she's being cheated. But I'm going to keep my mouth closed unless you tell me it's OK to speak up.
Steve: Keeping your mouth shut about other people's personal decisions is always a wise choice.
Mia: MYOB. Mind your own business. You can take her out for a nice goodbye dinner. But unless she asks your opinion, keep your lips zipped. She's chosen whose bed she wants to lie in, so unless you want her in yours, stay out of it.